Saturday, March 01, 2008

The Predator and The Prey

Dear Natascha,

Your cousin Rupert just called me from the US. Apparently, he saw the news through his minions in the US that the Interpol has now issued an urgent alert for fugitive JI leader. Obviously, he was not happy about the whole issue, given that he was worrying about our money laundering operation in Asia. He prefers the terrorists to be in the Middle East rather than in North and Southeast Asia. After all, he needs the money to cover some losses he made for the subprime mortgage.

Your crisis management on this incident is nothing but a disappointment. Till now, the terrorist is not caught yet. The most disturbing thing is that you only deployed all the three telcos to join in the hunt by sending a MMS 2 days after the incident happen. My suspicion tells me that the guy has escaped from Singapore. Shouldn't you not get these telecommunications company like SingTel, M1 and Starhub to be with you on day one? Please exert fear onto the communities or at least learn from Rupert to put up a bounty for the terrorist. Do you know that every citizen in Iraq gets US$250K for an Al Queda leader caught? Don't you have the S$6.45 budget surplus to make such a peanuts payment? Or is it the surplus recorded on paper only?

We decided to put the terrorist in Singapore because we thought that you have a good group of first class highly paid ministers to handle it. Now, your Minister of Home Affairs has created the biggest screwup of the year. Even the Internet is making a fool off him with this little funny picture I found from the notorious Sammyboy forum. Your malevolent cousin, Bob was laughing loudly when he saw the picture off my terminal in Europe. Indeed, that Minister of Home Affairs has proven to be incompetent for the whole fiasco. How can a terrorist leader not placed in a high security prison? How can he let the news out after 4 hours? He must be silly to hope since our evil Lord has decided that Murphy's law happens immediately when things start to go wrong.

Of course, it's now time to do damage control. Here are the ways for you to turn the prey into predator and predator into prey. Since he has escaped, you might want to contact your cousins lingering in Southeast Asia to whisper to his ears and get him to start a new wave of terrorist activities. We may be better off if that idiot bombed another country other than Singapore, because all our financial activities are here. We need to turn the predator into prey and that is by setting up inquiry for that useless minister.

Here is what you need to start whisper to the leaders, given that they must have given a admonishment to the minister who screwed up privately. You can start to suggest them to put a public inquiry on this. Make sure that you don't fire the minister. You can always command the Father, the Son and the Holy Goh to say hypocritical words of praise to ensure that the guy is sufficiently covered. Of course, the first thing you need to do is to find a scapegoat. It may be the prison guards and the ISD who failed to look over a terrorist. By directing public fury onto the minister, you can start working on siphoning off the attention of the peasants to somewhere else, for e.g. getting them to forget the S$6.45B surplus. If you attempt to stonewall, next time it will be difficult to raise the salaries of your minions.

I will look forward to some good news in the coming week from you.

Hatred and Evil,
Uncle Screwtape