Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Who let the prisoner out?!

Hi Natascha,

I can see why you have not gone to Malaysia for the elections. Much to my dismay, I just saw news from our mouthpiece again. How the hell did the first class government (under our control) let a terrorist escape? Unless you are telling me that it is a conspiracy that you cooked up to divert the citizens' attention after the revelation that we have S$6.45B surplus for the budget. If that is what you intend, it is a master stroke, otherwise, it is your incompetence. If you need help,

I can always ask Rupert to whisper to the US President and ask him to send their best agents to help you for the hunt. Of course, we have tonnes of excuses for the United States to come and hunt down the terrorist. On your part, just send one of your well-paid, top, stale and boring civil servants from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to the US Embassy and start telling the ambassador that you need help. After all, Singapore is a small country, and it should be easy to hunt down a terrorist, given that you are conducting a manhunt in an island.

You have to hunt down this idiot. The last time, Rupert dropped his ball and got the Twin Towers destroyed by airplanes. Do remember that we have billions of US dollars rendering in the banks of Singapore. A terrorist attack can cause us enormous damage. I should tell Bobby, the other demon, the managing director of the Middle East region to do some work on these guys. It must be a pain to have our financial institutions to suffer from the fear that they may get hit. Do call up our security consultants for assistance so that we can make it a big issue to divert attention on the excess surplus in the Singapore budget this year.

Come to think of it, this is a perfect opportunity for us to scare people. First, goodies, then outrage at surprise, now fear. You can try to get the Prime Minister to call for a general election. Terrorism is a perfect situation to get people to elect ruling parties to security. Even if your government is the most incompetent one like the one in the United States run by George Bush, you can still get elected for the silly reason of national security.

Anyway, just make sure that you capture the fugitive. Go and find a Tommy Lee Jones like guy from the ISD. If we pay first class salaries to all top civil servants in Singapore, we must expect first class services from them. Otherwise, our time is wasted in hell.

In Eternal Condemnation,
Uncle Screwtape