When you give an inch, they take a yard

Dear Natascha,

From the rate that you are going, you will never be able to turn up in Johor to irritate your cousin's enemies. I am distraught by the mess that things are going. First, your highly paid ministers (with salaries fitting close to the investment bankers, the management consultants, the lawyers and those ridiculous specialist scientists) have messed up with the budget surplus. Yesterday, they have successfully let the terrorist run scot free. Now, demos in Speaker Corner review, you must be joking.

It's all about perception. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Your work with the Old Man have been good, converting him from a democratic socialist to a benevolent dictator. Nowadays with his role that created modern Singapore, nobody in the country dare to say something else. He has created the presence of fear everywhere. The solution when he dies is not to liberalize, but to evangelise his way of governance. It's to make him a legend that his way of treating opposition and the way to go for a stable and wealthy Singapore is to have a competent government.

Our spin about equating competent government to generate meagre wealth for the peasants have worked well. What happens when you allowed liberalization? You will start to see more protests, and the "foreign media" which we created will start to seep into Singapore and cause trouble. What would happen is that our money laundering operation through Singapore for the other dictators (those dumb generals from Myanmar) will be gone? How can you let protests to happen? The more the peasants start seeing opposition getting screwed would invoke more sympathy for the underdog. The benevolent dictatorship would work because the Old Man's work has created many mini-LKYs, for e.g. Phillip Yeo who can talk back to MPs and tell them off like he's the boss. We already have the infrastructure to change the top notched Ivy League scholars into a bunch of spineless, bootlicking top civil servants taking high pay but demonstrate bureaucratic incompetence.

The continued strategy I would offer to you is the following:

• Allow indoor protests and no outdoor: Don't give them Speakers Corner. Just let those useless nominated Members of Parliament to whine and whinge about the past incidents and let the bloggers just continue moaning in cyberspace. It does a few things for us. First, it encourages Wayang Party Crew, Soci, Singapore Elections Watch (SDP cronies), Jasper, Chee Soon Juan and Co to help us to smear the other opposition parties. They will just continue to be a cannon fodder until their descendants take over.
  
• Gangster Strategy from the Old Man: Always activate the old man to start an attacking campaign like the way he did to James Gomez. Of course, you should liase with your counterparts in Europe and US (you know, those spineless and hypocritical Ivy League Dons and those big organization presidents - former investment bankers like the World Bank and IMF) to invite him to World Forums and talk down to the rest of them. Get all the committees to give him awards and accolades like the ANU, and use them to incite protests in the other countries. Of course, your job is to forever put him the perpetual thinking that every political fight he is in, reminds him of the communist days, even if times have changed. His eternal retribution (created by us the demons) is that he would die with the younger generation of quitters spitting on his grave.
  
• Liberalization is useless and are for the weak: Pretend to liberalize but really always throw a hammer on them when those liberals like Catherine start opening their mouth about a post LKY era.

The important lesson is that when you give people an inch, they will want a yard. Singaporeans are greedy. The only way to treat peasants is to make sure that they have a third world mind, like those Chinese, Indian and Eastern Europeans who are lured to Singapore as foreign talent. The country will continue to grow but the people will continue to have no way to make any form of uprising. Then our domination with the sovereign wealth funds owning the western banks would be complete.

Your damned Uncle,
Screwtape

Who let the prisoner out?!

Hi Natascha,

I can see why you have not gone to Malaysia for the elections. Much to my dismay, I just saw news from our mouthpiece again. How the hell did the first class government (under our control) let a terrorist escape? Unless you are telling me that it is a conspiracy that you cooked up to divert the citizens' attention after the revelation that we have S$6.45B surplus for the budget. If that is what you intend, it is a master stroke, otherwise, it is your incompetence. If you need help,

I can always ask Rupert to whisper to the US President and ask him to send their best agents to help you for the hunt. Of course, we have tonnes of excuses for the United States to come and hunt down the terrorist. On your part, just send one of your well-paid, top, stale and boring civil servants from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to the US Embassy and start telling the ambassador that you need help. After all, Singapore is a small country, and it should be easy to hunt down a terrorist, given that you are conducting a manhunt in an island.

You have to hunt down this idiot. The last time, Rupert dropped his ball and got the Twin Towers destroyed by airplanes. Do remember that we have billions of US dollars rendering in the banks of Singapore. A terrorist attack can cause us enormous damage. I should tell Bobby, the other demon, the managing director of the Middle East region to do some work on these guys. It must be a pain to have our financial institutions to suffer from the fear that they may get hit. Do call up our security consultants for assistance so that we can make it a big issue to divert attention on the excess surplus in the Singapore budget this year.

Come to think of it, this is a perfect opportunity for us to scare people. First, goodies, then outrage at surprise, now fear. You can try to get the Prime Minister to call for a general election. Terrorism is a perfect situation to get people to elect ruling parties to security. Even if your government is the most incompetent one like the one in the United States run by George Bush, you can still get elected for the silly reason of national security.

Anyway, just make sure that you capture the fugitive. Go and find a Tommy Lee Jones like guy from the ISD. If we pay first class salaries to all top civil servants in Singapore, we must expect first class services from them. Otherwise, our time is wasted in hell.

In Eternal Condemnation,
Uncle Screwtape

Now we got more money for .....

Dear Natascha,

Today, I received an email from your cousin in Malaysia, telling me that you are unable to help her because of the recent Budget debate in Singapore. She was telling me how the cabinet (that you have whispering to) has now managed to turn a S$0.7B deficit to S$6.45B surplus. That's fantastic work. Now we have managed to do something that none of your fellow demons manage to do with their governments: tax more and underpay. That's number one in creating a world class government in misery.

I decided to go to our mouthpiece, the Straits Times to see what is going on. I was shocked for what I saw. I thought that you told me that you have it covered. By passing it to the Indian guy, he won't be so stupid to tell the whole world that we have a S$6.45B surplus. Now our Enemy together with some of those shadow boxing PAP MPs (that are under your command) start waging a campaign to ask for the reduction of GST from 7 to 5%. It must be the stupid civil servant from Ministry of Finance who made this error. I recalled that when you sent me the projections, if we raised it by 1%, we might just get about a bit of surplus or possibly just break even. On the other hand, if it's raised 2%, you will just make a bit of surplus. Now, the surplus is overwhelming. I understand the need to be conservative, but how can the civil servant who made that calculation forget to take into account the inflated property market which we have taught our investment bankers from Goldman Sachs to Merrill Lynch to sabotage?

Of course, we liked money. Having more is better than less. Can you please start telling those bunch of PAP MPs to stop shadowboxing before the people turn on us and join our enemy? You should have told that Indian to do more creative accounting. Don't these guys know how to fudge numbers or move the money to some secret accounts in our sovereign wealth funds, for example Goverment Investment Corporation of Singapore, Temasek or our other secret account?

Now with so much surplus, which investment bank are you planning to buy? JP Morgan, Soc Gen, Credit Suisse, or HSBC? Yes, I will call your cousin in the US to allow the bribe to get through so that your sovereign wealth fund would be cleared to buy anything in the land of the rich, oops sorry, land of the free.

Please send me the telegraphic transfer of half the surplus to our bank in Cayman Islands. I would like to spend some for our evil Lord.

In Evil Note of Lust,
Uncle Screwtape

The Hypocrisy of Established Individuals

Dear Natascha,

I received your email this morning with the interesting video link sent to me. You mentioned over the email that you were appalled by this Singaporean writer named Catherine Lim. I decided to check it out and have laughed out loud about what she said. You thought that her speeches spread over the Internet might help our enemy in their cause. This is the reason why I decided to draft a quick reply to you.

You see, my dear niece, you know what, Catherine sounded like a broken record. It reminded of that so called "government critic" who was an ex-civil servant, or they called him "The Mandarin". His name, if I did not forget, is Ngiam Tong How. I often laughed at the people who are standing on the side of our enemy. Those self-professed critics are nothing but useless. Notice that Ngiam Tong How started criticising the government after he was a lackey for many years, and accused his ex-boss of allowing the younger civil servants to be "mini-LKYs". Obviously, he was jealous that he did not get as many perks as his younger counterparts. The same with Catherine Lim is that she is making the same kind of accusations the same way.

These people served a common pattern. They are established but they have no courage. Reading Catherine's dumb piece about the post LKY era, makes me cringe. What is the problem? She does not understand that human beings are corrupt and would do anything to stay in power. If she really love to comment so much, why not be like Jeff Ooi to go and contest an election? Ngiam Tong How, that old monkey, after receiving salary from us, must have suffered from some old man disease. That fool starts to go around and criticise the civil service and come up with this nonsensical idea of alternative elite. How can there be an alternative elite where you, my dear niece has already managed to make sure that all those scholars who would see their souls to the PAP later? Of course, Catherine should at least try to win a Nobel Prize for literature (which is mainly awarded to dissidents who slammed their own governments).

Honestly, you need to tell the Old Man to give that Ngiam Tong How a big rebuke. If Ngiam Tong How is really passionate about the problems, he should just join our enemy and run for elections. Of course, he does not dare to do that, because we would eventually launched a campaign to smear him and call him a traitor. The other thing is that Ngiam preferred his retirement since he realized that he might lose all his savings through our menu of legal lawsuits served on him.

At the end of the day, you can ease your anger about those established individuals' criticisms about your power base. It's simple and just let them rant. You know what, we have managed to convert our harshest critics to join us. Think about how I taught you how to crush the forgotten civil society group called RoundTable by converting the founder to join the ruling party. Today, he is a cursed minister of transport. After all, we have the sovereign wealth funds to buy talent to do the "co-opt" campaign.

So, don't be pissed off by what these established individuals say. In fact, if they are really smart, we can turn him or her into the loudhailer like Chee Soon Juan and his bunch of double faced democrats who would smear their own kind and lie for the sake being seen as opposition. They are poor and useless since we controlled the DBS and Citibank accounts of their friends and relatives.

Let me know how things would be in a week's time. She would be forgotten and the article you sent me would soon be archived into the group of failed visionaries in their country.

In Eternal Hate,
Uncle Screwtape

Left Pocket In, Right Pocket Out: Purchases of GIC and Temasek

Dear Natascha,

Great to hear from you. In my last letter, I made a quick mention on your recent feat to get Temasek and GIC to go investment banks purchasing. It is good that a few of you, those demons based in Asia, particularly, your fellow demon, who spent his time helping the Dubai Sheikhs to make acquisitions. Now, the enemy has come up with a new term to classify our money operation. They labelled them as Sovereign Wealth Funds.

You have to realize how mad I was when your other long distant related uncle, Asmodeus, started to implant the idea of subprime mortgages in those investment bankers in Wall Street. He wrote to me that he managed to con the traders to leverage on the wrong side of the deal, and caused them to lose billions. Of course, we know that Bear Stearns, Citigroup, UBS and many other banks has taken the brunt of the mortgage crisis. Luckily we have an insurance policy. We made sure that Asia is growing with money, so that they can help to cover the losses. Your role being part of the bigger operation, has brought a few sovereign wealth funds (along with your fellow demons) to save those wankers' ass. Of course, we managed to create more poverty in the US by having a lot of people subjected to predatory loans.

Now the whole world realized that Singapore is a rich country. I believe that it is not a good idea. We need banks off somewhere so that whenever we start losing money, we know where to find the left pocket. Of course, it created a new impression of the world in Singapore. It does not help your cause. Singaporeans have access to the new beast created by our enemy called the Internet. They would know that billions and billions are used to buy stakes in banks, while the money should be wasted on those poor peasants who are slowly replaced by the foreign talent from eastern Europe, Middle East, China and India everyday. You must stop being so open about your investments. Of course, I did a check on your portfolio and realized that Temasek owned a lot of banks in southeast Asia.

Of course, paying off the peasants in a non-election cycle is brilliant. After all, it's just 2 billion from a warchest of bigger billions (I will not divulge our figures so readily). Of course, with you whispering to the cabinet ministers and tell them to get rid of the real estate tax, we will have more money circulate around.

With Singapore being so stable, maybe you should join your sister in Malaysia to help to destroy the opposition there. It might be good to take a holiday and start getting your sister to seduce the relevant authorities to give their money to save the subprime-hit banks.

Meanwhile, I look forward to hear from you soon. Make sure that the Barisan National wins the election.

yours in HATE,
Uncle ScrewTape

The Power of Money: From Opposition to Budget 2008

Dear Natascha,

Good to hear from you. I have taken a walk around the Internet to see how your evil plot works against the minions of our enemy. Of course, those no-life internet sock puppets you planted for your minions have performed well.

Your little trick of political smearing has once performed it purpose. Those clowns, aka the opposition members who are anti-WP members have become retarded enough not to realize that they are working for the ruling party indirectly. By making public calls for the TOC editorial board to resign and putting pressure on them, they have done exactly what we wanted. Now our hold for evil power with the ruling party in the internet will finally be complete. It often amuses me how those SDP morons and anti-WP goons have worked against themselves with their call for their freedom. They neither possess the credentials and credibility for politics. They think that they can talk like Obama but in Singapore, we prefer a Clinton or a Bush.

Sooner or later, they will realize that they would never be able to achieve their cause. After all, through all the taxes collected and the pay rise for our minions in the cabinet, we have money to stamp over their face. That's what they failed on the first day. If Chee Soon Juan and JBJ understand economics, they would not be getting slapped by the very people which they sought to protect. Obviously, the power of money is our best weapon against these political freedom fighters and martyrdom is too good a word to describe them.

Even if they can speak like the best orators in the world, they cannot beat our machinery. Our strategy of giving money to the Singaporeans have always defeated their rhetoric about rising costs of living and the new poor in Singapore. After all, Singaporeans are people with first world infrastructure but third world aspirations. Oftentimes, we just need to tease them with flat subsidies and a bit of "progress" package and Singapore shares, we would be able to make them forget about how we slowly chipped away their savings for world domination. The leaders who you whispered to, have now spent billions to acquire those banks out there. It's not really for good investment, but to feed the old and venerable leader's taste of reverse colonization.

Removing the estate tax was a fantastic idea, since you are now making class more apparent in Singapore. The rich will get richer and sooner or later, we can recreate the caste system in India. In fact, the way how you dressed up the LIFE package and conned those poor workers out there have told me that no matter how Singaporeans think, they would still be strangled by the power of money. The Budget 2008 is a fantastic way to demonstrate that our power can make Singaporeans bow to us because we can bribe them with money. The tax rebate was a perfect idea, and they don't really realize that the 20% they got is definitely far lesser than how we have managed to tax everyone with 7% GST. My kudos to how the con job is done to make the Singaporeans feel better.

As soon as those whiners who complete the job of defaming the TOC gang, we would be happy. The internet is just a small world, and I have just found out that Singaporeans just care about their cars and flats. Of course, they would be like laboratory rats, subject to the forces of the government in making them love and hate them through taxes and little freedom of speech.

In fact, I want to give you my final prediction, even if there is a Obama in Singapore, he would be squeezed and destroyed by both the ruling party and the opposition gang ran by the SDP and the anti-WP members. That Obama would be first be discredited with lack of academic qualifications from the ruling party and then be defammed for being close to the ruling party, for example, he works for so and so PAP MP. It is this two way tussle that a Singapore Obama will fail. Besides, the Singapore Obama, unlike the real one, have no way because he is poor. Do you think that the Singaporeans are so giving like their counterparts in US? Asians are just a bunch of selfish people and that is why they were colonized by the western world for three centuries. Unlike in the US, words don't matter and speeches don't matter. In fact, we should have paid Hilary Clinton to come to Singapore as a foreign talent. She would do so much better if she was a Singaporean. She would not have lost to Obama since Singaporeans don't give a damn about inspiration..

Yes, the power of money. A fantastic budget for you to have cooked up to consolidate our power. In the end, we would prevail because Singaporeans love money and fears the Father, the Son and the Holy Goh.

In eternal hate,
your beloved Uncle Screwtape

Infernal Affairs - Singapore Style

Dear Natascha,

It has been sometime since I have heard from you. After all, your cousin Rupert, the drake demon told me that he was having fun messing around with the candidates in the Democratic Primary. Rupert's way of using Bill to twist and bend issues about Osama, oops, sorry, Obama, helps to cause problems for the Democrats.

Enough said about the situation in US. The reason why I have written to you is because of your recent DVDs you sent to my place. Thankfully, with your DVDs, I can pass my time properly. Those idiots from the Writers Guild in US have stopped produce violent, erotic and sexual material. One of the most interesting series which you have sent me is 無間道 (Infernal Affairs in English). I liked it although I need to hire a chinese demon to make the translation for me. It is absolutely amazing. It recalled a conspiracy story which you have told me many years back. Your whispers through the peasants of Singapore about the ruling and opposition political parties in Singapore placing moles in each other's camp. After watching Infernal Affairs, I realized where you stole the plot from.

Of course, I can see the parallels from the story. The gangster Hon Sum sounded like the old JoBoJo guy who go around in City Hall with the loudhailer shouting "Buy the Hammer" many eons back. Inspector Wong is so much like the Holy Father (or Minister Mentor), who place a mole in the opposition party. I can see why you fitted that half Chinese-Indian minister to be the mole from the opposition party (he started off a critic and then a turncoat), while the guy named Chee fitted the Tony Leung perfectly but he looked ugly. The tale is so fantastic that I can see why that retarded Jasper guy is now going around all the forums to propagate your conspiracy theory for you.

I am impressed by your efforts on the Jaspar guy who goes around spilling nonsense about the The Online Citizen and Soci, the British guy who runs a Singapore front (and he still thinks that he can colonize Asians like the way his forefathers did). Now the whole blogosphere is in a mess. No wonder, you wrote to me and said that you don't need to teach the ruling party what to do. Just sitting here and watching the whole episode implode has greatly amused me today. The way to divide people in the blogosphere is not to send an army in, but instead divide and conquer the remaining weak factions. It is really amazing to see those idiots who championed the causes of the mole Chee have reached this state. They have to lie in order to succeed, because they have been ostracized by the ruling party to tell the truth.

You have mastered the art of useless associations in the process. I am happy that you taught the leaders of the ruling party to come up with associations for youth groups and political groups like a bundle. The technique to twist the truth "the YEC committee is part of the PAP machinery" is a remarkable feat. Of course, not to mention how you planted all the Yes-men in town councils such that even if the opposition gained power, they have no money. Of course, as time goes along, black becomes white and white becomes black. Even those retarded morons like Jasper and Soci are now using Kevin Bacon's six degrees of seperation to ensure that the editors of TOC are linked to the PAP. I don't know how they do it, but I am sure that you are the one who taught them.

The sad truth is that the peasants will never be able to tell the difference between the good guys and bad guys. It is this which will help to further our cause.

You must write to me soon and tell me whether you have successfully sunk TOC for the ruling party.

In Eternal Hate,
Uncle Screwtape