Dear Natascha,
I have been following the recent happenings in Singapore, thanks to the Reuters article your auntie Le Fey sent me. All and all, it started with the old man and the defammation suit on our other minions again. Seriously speaking, with the judiciary under our control, why do we need to even entertain our other minions, the brainless schizoprenic monkeys from the Singapore Democrat Party? Why don't you just whisper to Belinda, the judge to just tell Chee that he is committing a breach of offence to the court? It's time to do them in, given that you have turned Chee Soon Juan into a junkie activist. Even bloggers like the Singapore Patriot are shunning him and suggesting that he should start an activist group.
The point is that the Chee family has no more value to us. It's time to end the fiasco and use the law to wind up the SDP. Who are they trying to kid? The dumb Singaporeans who are busy being bribed by us once again? Don't they know that we have the power to control everything by the Lee family like the Italian mafia?
Importantly, it's time to focus on our enemy. In fact, our little Sith Lord named Ephraim Loy in the PAP has spoken of the danger of PAP being the opposition in the Internet. We have to be careful because your minions in the PAP might make these past silly mistakes. The point is that the tactics we chose to deal with our critics like Catherine Lim are getting stale, just as she is hurling all kinds of trash at us, with her serious disappointment about the Home Minister's incompetence on the Mas Selamat Scandal. Of course, before I forget, that stupid Yaw has spoken again.
I will say that we don't need Chee and his bunch of buffons anymore because they have established the impression to the foreign media that they are bunch of cranks and crackpots. The last thing they can do is to go berserk and run amok in town. What more can we do to crush these jokers? Even a cockroach can survive a nuclear bomb, but not them. In any case, we have better things to do like making sure that the inflation will make our peasants to work harder. In fact, not helping those peasants with subsidies will ensure that welfarism is non-existent in Asia, but exploitation does exist.
Speaking of which, you better tie up with Natalie to shut the mouth of that stupid Mahatir, who have recently quitted his own UMNO party. Seriously, you should just tell the Old Man to give him a phone call and say, "You know what, Mahatir, you should have asked Badawi to make you a senior minister, and then a minister mentor like me."
In any case, I will be watching with great glee. Tell the judge to do the right thing.
Do Great Evil,
Uncle Screwtape
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
SDP vs PAP - The Video Fiasco
Dear Natascha,
You should not have awaken me with this latest email of yours. The notification bell on my blackberry (with the Microsoft Exchange) has been ringing so loud that I have to get out of my bed to see what it's going on. After reading the contents of your email, I realize that the other group who we control: the SDP gang is out on the mischief against the establishment (which we also control). It must be a pain for you to control two groups of people who are directly in conflict. Of course, both sides don't realize that they have fallen to our side. What the hell, a video fiasco again!
Originally, I am aware that you corrupted Chee Soon Juan and his bunch of SDP democrats to do stupid things such that the whole opposition loses credibility. However, they are getting more and more out of hand lately. I am wondering how the Media Development Authority got wind of the event that they are publicizing the political video "One Nation Under Lee". Let me make a guess, the hotel hosting the event (with those cowardly Singaporeans trying to cover their backside as usual) or some spies planted by the PAP who kept their movement in check for 24 hours.
The problem is the following. You have to start telling your minions in PAP to stop patronizing these idiots. As we have started to exploit the Internet for our purposes especially in promoting sex, drugs, pornography and violence, we have also discovered best practices in handling Internet content before it blew out of proportion.
First of all, your minions in PAP make the mistake of being filmed by those jokers of yours in SDP. By filming coupled with selective editing, your SDP cronies can make your PAP cronies look like those North Korean Secret Police force. I pity those three MDA officials you sent. They have become overnight stars in the Internet. I wonder if any anti-establishment people like taxi drivers have cursed them in public. Next time, you want to send them to pick up DVDs of banned political films, use the police to snatch all filming equipment. If those SDP goons use a mobile phone as a last ditch, their videos would be of bad quality and the public would not be able to make any sense of what has transpired. By giving those idiots so clear coverage, you are making the public more curious and sympathetic to the cause of these bunch of mad people.
Second, you are wasting time to bust these small events. The SDP gathering reminds me of a bunch of scientologists having some cultic practices about Ron Hubbard's silly drug theories. Let's deconstruct what the SDP gathering event is about. Understand that the SDP goons will invite those who are already converted to their cause. How many of them are there? Less than 50. There is a total of 4.6M people in Singapore. Divide that number, and you realize that it is insignificant to create a tipping point for them to convert the rest of them. Do you think that the typical 5C chasing Singaporean will be interested in what the opposition already say? By giving attention to these idiots when they have film launches, your minions in PAP are spurring more people to go to YouTube or Google Video and view the video "One Nation Under Lee".
Third, even if the video is online and would be spread to more people, who will be watching it? Remember only 30-40% of Singapore are English educated. There is a significant amount of people who don't even know what GIC is. Those English educated Singaporeans are so scared of the ISD that they would still vote for the PAP. Then, if you go to the next group of people, who are the bunch of Singaporeans who only speak Holkien and broken English, do you think that they can withstand Chee Soon Juan's flowery grammar and bombastic vocabulary? Sometimes, I wonder how you whisper to the Old Man about crushing his opposition. Defammation suits would be allowed. In fact, since the video is out in the open, call the lawyers and sue them until their pants dropped. I will overlook this fiasco out of my sympathy that the Old Man's wife is now in serious condition out there. Please send my best wishes to them.
Next time, if something like this happen, just take your time and send it to me in the morning UK time.
Corrupting the Bright Side of Life,
Uncle Screwtape
You should not have awaken me with this latest email of yours. The notification bell on my blackberry (with the Microsoft Exchange) has been ringing so loud that I have to get out of my bed to see what it's going on. After reading the contents of your email, I realize that the other group who we control: the SDP gang is out on the mischief against the establishment (which we also control). It must be a pain for you to control two groups of people who are directly in conflict. Of course, both sides don't realize that they have fallen to our side. What the hell, a video fiasco again!
Originally, I am aware that you corrupted Chee Soon Juan and his bunch of SDP democrats to do stupid things such that the whole opposition loses credibility. However, they are getting more and more out of hand lately. I am wondering how the Media Development Authority got wind of the event that they are publicizing the political video "One Nation Under Lee". Let me make a guess, the hotel hosting the event (with those cowardly Singaporeans trying to cover their backside as usual) or some spies planted by the PAP who kept their movement in check for 24 hours.
The problem is the following. You have to start telling your minions in PAP to stop patronizing these idiots. As we have started to exploit the Internet for our purposes especially in promoting sex, drugs, pornography and violence, we have also discovered best practices in handling Internet content before it blew out of proportion.
First of all, your minions in PAP make the mistake of being filmed by those jokers of yours in SDP. By filming coupled with selective editing, your SDP cronies can make your PAP cronies look like those North Korean Secret Police force. I pity those three MDA officials you sent. They have become overnight stars in the Internet. I wonder if any anti-establishment people like taxi drivers have cursed them in public. Next time, you want to send them to pick up DVDs of banned political films, use the police to snatch all filming equipment. If those SDP goons use a mobile phone as a last ditch, their videos would be of bad quality and the public would not be able to make any sense of what has transpired. By giving those idiots so clear coverage, you are making the public more curious and sympathetic to the cause of these bunch of mad people.
Second, you are wasting time to bust these small events. The SDP gathering reminds me of a bunch of scientologists having some cultic practices about Ron Hubbard's silly drug theories. Let's deconstruct what the SDP gathering event is about. Understand that the SDP goons will invite those who are already converted to their cause. How many of them are there? Less than 50. There is a total of 4.6M people in Singapore. Divide that number, and you realize that it is insignificant to create a tipping point for them to convert the rest of them. Do you think that the typical 5C chasing Singaporean will be interested in what the opposition already say? By giving attention to these idiots when they have film launches, your minions in PAP are spurring more people to go to YouTube or Google Video and view the video "One Nation Under Lee".
Third, even if the video is online and would be spread to more people, who will be watching it? Remember only 30-40% of Singapore are English educated. There is a significant amount of people who don't even know what GIC is. Those English educated Singaporeans are so scared of the ISD that they would still vote for the PAP. Then, if you go to the next group of people, who are the bunch of Singaporeans who only speak Holkien and broken English, do you think that they can withstand Chee Soon Juan's flowery grammar and bombastic vocabulary? Sometimes, I wonder how you whisper to the Old Man about crushing his opposition. Defammation suits would be allowed. In fact, since the video is out in the open, call the lawyers and sue them until their pants dropped. I will overlook this fiasco out of my sympathy that the Old Man's wife is now in serious condition out there. Please send my best wishes to them.
Next time, if something like this happen, just take your time and send it to me in the morning UK time.
Corrupting the Bright Side of Life,
Uncle Screwtape
Saturday, May 17, 2008
It's all Politics, Stupid!
Dear Natascha,
I read your letters with glee and zest. For all that matter, your uncles Mo and Dang, in China and Myanmar have written to me about the recent disasters that our Dark Lord have inflicted on them: earthquake in Sichuan province and tonardo through Myanmar. According to Mo, the ploy is to stop those Tibetan activists protesting on the Olympics torch rally. How did these activists stop trying to catch fire, where there are bigger humanitarian causes for them to sort out? For the Myanmar, it is more for population control, as we need to keep the Junta in power. So, that's why you can see two different responses from two authoritarian regimes.
While I hear these poor people out in those countries, I am amused by a piece of news which you sent to me. It's concerning one of the cronies of our enemies, Mr Yaw Shin Leong from the Hammer Party. I laughed at the stupidity of this young and idealistic politician. Is he trying to do a Barack Obama, by coming up with stupid lines like "I bring people together"? Did he not understand politics is about divisiveness and backstabbing. In fact, through my last letter to you, that dumb moron by the name of Kway Teow Man is now saying that what Yaw does is right. Thanks to him, he has totally helped us in our cause to make our enemies look stupid.
In fact, he made it so academic that there is no problem with the vote at all.
In fact, here is how you should prepare against Workers Party in the next election. Whenever Yaw contested any ward, just keep putting his fiasco on every Internet website. Start making fake soundbites about his statement, "I vote for Teo Ho Pin because he is the better guy." If we continue doing that, everyone will think that there is no way but to vote for PAP. Yes, he has told us that the PAP MP in his ward is the better guy. Perhaps, he might join the ranks of our Enemy to be the better man. But human nature is dark, selfish and at times, vicious. Perhaps, you have poisoned Kway Teow Man again to defend stupidity, like the way how he defends that the government is always right. Of course, if he is indeed a past minion in the Civil Service we controlled, then we should take advantage of his stupidity to use politics to divide and conquer. In fact, thanks to him, now Yaw is associated with the PAP. Seriously, maybe you should consider drafting him to be your mole, and we would start another round of "The Departed".
Now, you can take our movement one step further, by selling to the rest of the electorate in Singapore (who are all stupid) that the WP endorses the policies of the PAP, hence there is no need to vote for WP. What a brilliant opportunity for us to exploit on.
Let's continue the politics and make life harder for the opposition. In fact, now our only enemy will be screwed from both ends. The first end is with the main party PAP being endorsed by them and the second end is those bad foggies like CSJ and JBJ would take the BBQ skewer to stab them.
The end where all Men pay,
Uncle Screwtape
I read your letters with glee and zest. For all that matter, your uncles Mo and Dang, in China and Myanmar have written to me about the recent disasters that our Dark Lord have inflicted on them: earthquake in Sichuan province and tonardo through Myanmar. According to Mo, the ploy is to stop those Tibetan activists protesting on the Olympics torch rally. How did these activists stop trying to catch fire, where there are bigger humanitarian causes for them to sort out? For the Myanmar, it is more for population control, as we need to keep the Junta in power. So, that's why you can see two different responses from two authoritarian regimes.
While I hear these poor people out in those countries, I am amused by a piece of news which you sent to me. It's concerning one of the cronies of our enemies, Mr Yaw Shin Leong from the Hammer Party. I laughed at the stupidity of this young and idealistic politician. Is he trying to do a Barack Obama, by coming up with stupid lines like "I bring people together"? Did he not understand politics is about divisiveness and backstabbing. In fact, through my last letter to you, that dumb moron by the name of Kway Teow Man is now saying that what Yaw does is right. Thanks to him, he has totally helped us in our cause to make our enemies look stupid.
In fact, he made it so academic that there is no problem with the vote at all.
In fact, here is how you should prepare against Workers Party in the next election. Whenever Yaw contested any ward, just keep putting his fiasco on every Internet website. Start making fake soundbites about his statement, "I vote for Teo Ho Pin because he is the better guy." If we continue doing that, everyone will think that there is no way but to vote for PAP. Yes, he has told us that the PAP MP in his ward is the better guy. Perhaps, he might join the ranks of our Enemy to be the better man. But human nature is dark, selfish and at times, vicious. Perhaps, you have poisoned Kway Teow Man again to defend stupidity, like the way how he defends that the government is always right. Of course, if he is indeed a past minion in the Civil Service we controlled, then we should take advantage of his stupidity to use politics to divide and conquer. In fact, thanks to him, now Yaw is associated with the PAP. Seriously, maybe you should consider drafting him to be your mole, and we would start another round of "The Departed".
Now, you can take our movement one step further, by selling to the rest of the electorate in Singapore (who are all stupid) that the WP endorses the policies of the PAP, hence there is no need to vote for WP. What a brilliant opportunity for us to exploit on.
Let's continue the politics and make life harder for the opposition. In fact, now our only enemy will be screwed from both ends. The first end is with the main party PAP being endorsed by them and the second end is those bad foggies like CSJ and JBJ would take the BBQ skewer to stab them.
The end where all Men pay,
Uncle Screwtape
Sunday, May 04, 2008
You can't handle the Truth!
Dear Natascha,
Lately, you seem to be ready to go away from Singapore for the summer holidays. You might want to come to stay with me in London, so that I can preach you more on how to handle our Enemy. From your last email, I believed that you have everything in control from the internet to defending the Minister from the uproar of the bloggers about his incompetence.
After all, why should we fire a minister and the director of Internal Security Act for such a small mistake? We need both of them to help those poor peasants to craft the necessary policies against religious fundamentalism. When I hear about all those silly bloggers asking for political freedom of the press and advocating the minister to get a pay cut, I laughed and mused to myself, "These peasants can only make noise and everything stays the same after that. It's because even among the bloggers themselves are spineless." That article from the ex-CEO of NTUC Income just made me laughed. He reminded me of that old civil servant who retired and now started to make raving criticisms against those who took over from them. These old men, like Tan Kin Lian and Ngiam Tong How should realize that they could have done something when they are in power. Looks like they never learned from the person they revered most, our Old Man in forever power. Now, they can only sit out and whinge like a disgruntled Liverpool fan who keeps bemoaning why they have not won the Premiere League for 18 years and still counting.
This whole discussion on high cost of living and equating competence with the high pay of minister's is just illogical without proper inferences, if not ridiculous. In fact, I read about people questioning how reserves should be spent. Even if we are evil, we have assigned the best and the brightest, indoctrinated from the Ivy League schools to look after them. Their helicopter vision and lack of empathy towards the poor and destitute have done us well. Why should we care whether the old are cleaning toilets out there? They need to work and they should be not given the welfare system which have caused the government in Westminster to be forever indebted and give out payouts to bribe the electorate.
You indicated your worries about the Internet being an amplifier but I can assure you that the 2008 General Election in Malaysia is an anomaly. There are a few reasons why I am not worried that bloggers are a threat. First of all, they spent their time on writing silly policy paper and not being on the ground. Second, we have bloggers who are sympathizers to the minions we appointed on the ground. For example, we see smart Ivy League graduates or perhaps former or present civil servants dressing up as a heartlander blogger, like this one here, named Kway Teow Man or some dumb peasant named Lucky Tan.
Their styles are different. Lucky Tan demonstrates the truth about Singaporeans out there, who want the government to do more for them. After all, our minions receive high pay to ensure that every Singaporean must have a home and material wealth, devoid of clear thinking and desensitized from politics. He gave us the parody that would be acknowledged by the cab driver who would be forever in PMS (Women's thing) that the Singapore government are making their lives difficult.
If Kway Teow Man is the finance minister, I might be the Minister Mentor. In fact, you should position more of these people in the blogosphere. You can always create similar variants of these faked heartlander pseudonyms (but they are actually well-paid civil servants/politicians or ex-civil servants), for example, the Mee Pok Man, the Keropok Man, the Chicken Rice Stall Seller and the Mee Siam mai hum Man. Kway Teow Man is the type who will claim that his logic about economics and insurance is right and will call everyone stupid if they don't comprehend his train of thought from his higher than thou Ivy League education. After all, he has explained to us why we should let a few men to manage the few hundred billion dollars with no accountability required and why we should not regulate the industry even if people are suffering from faulty financial instruments.
Of course, we need people like him to be around because he represents the "Colonel Jessop" from the movie "A Few Good Men". Here is what he will say if he comes out in real life. Remember the "You can't handle the truth" moment from the movie, "A Few Good Men":
"You can't handle the truth... Son, we live in a world that needs to survived with foreign investments and those investments need to be guarded by men with intelligence. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Catherine Lim, Mr Wang, The Online Citizen or Yawning Bread? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the old people who are cleaning toilets and sleeping in the void decks and curse the Singapore government; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the incompetence about bad GIC investments and Mas Selamat's escape, while tragic, probably saved lives and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want us the PAP to stay in power, you need us to stay in power. We use words like "let's move on", "competent leadership by smart people", "safeguard our reserves", "high pay for us", "foreign talent". We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. Those stupid bloggers use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the Progress packages, free education till 18 and GST offsets I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you be a quitter and get out of my elite uncaring face. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."
It's evident that the Singaporeans can't handle the truth. Hence I am not so worried about the coming elections. Meanwhile, smell the roses in the Singapore Flyer and let the foreigners come and steal jobs from our peasants.
Hate in the Time of Malaria,
Uncle Screwtape
Lately, you seem to be ready to go away from Singapore for the summer holidays. You might want to come to stay with me in London, so that I can preach you more on how to handle our Enemy. From your last email, I believed that you have everything in control from the internet to defending the Minister from the uproar of the bloggers about his incompetence.
After all, why should we fire a minister and the director of Internal Security Act for such a small mistake? We need both of them to help those poor peasants to craft the necessary policies against religious fundamentalism. When I hear about all those silly bloggers asking for political freedom of the press and advocating the minister to get a pay cut, I laughed and mused to myself, "These peasants can only make noise and everything stays the same after that. It's because even among the bloggers themselves are spineless." That article from the ex-CEO of NTUC Income just made me laughed. He reminded me of that old civil servant who retired and now started to make raving criticisms against those who took over from them. These old men, like Tan Kin Lian and Ngiam Tong How should realize that they could have done something when they are in power. Looks like they never learned from the person they revered most, our Old Man in forever power. Now, they can only sit out and whinge like a disgruntled Liverpool fan who keeps bemoaning why they have not won the Premiere League for 18 years and still counting.
This whole discussion on high cost of living and equating competence with the high pay of minister's is just illogical without proper inferences, if not ridiculous. In fact, I read about people questioning how reserves should be spent. Even if we are evil, we have assigned the best and the brightest, indoctrinated from the Ivy League schools to look after them. Their helicopter vision and lack of empathy towards the poor and destitute have done us well. Why should we care whether the old are cleaning toilets out there? They need to work and they should be not given the welfare system which have caused the government in Westminster to be forever indebted and give out payouts to bribe the electorate.
You indicated your worries about the Internet being an amplifier but I can assure you that the 2008 General Election in Malaysia is an anomaly. There are a few reasons why I am not worried that bloggers are a threat. First of all, they spent their time on writing silly policy paper and not being on the ground. Second, we have bloggers who are sympathizers to the minions we appointed on the ground. For example, we see smart Ivy League graduates or perhaps former or present civil servants dressing up as a heartlander blogger, like this one here, named Kway Teow Man or some dumb peasant named Lucky Tan.
Their styles are different. Lucky Tan demonstrates the truth about Singaporeans out there, who want the government to do more for them. After all, our minions receive high pay to ensure that every Singaporean must have a home and material wealth, devoid of clear thinking and desensitized from politics. He gave us the parody that would be acknowledged by the cab driver who would be forever in PMS (Women's thing) that the Singapore government are making their lives difficult.
If Kway Teow Man is the finance minister, I might be the Minister Mentor. In fact, you should position more of these people in the blogosphere. You can always create similar variants of these faked heartlander pseudonyms (but they are actually well-paid civil servants/politicians or ex-civil servants), for example, the Mee Pok Man, the Keropok Man, the Chicken Rice Stall Seller and the Mee Siam mai hum Man. Kway Teow Man is the type who will claim that his logic about economics and insurance is right and will call everyone stupid if they don't comprehend his train of thought from his higher than thou Ivy League education. After all, he has explained to us why we should let a few men to manage the few hundred billion dollars with no accountability required and why we should not regulate the industry even if people are suffering from faulty financial instruments.
Of course, we need people like him to be around because he represents the "Colonel Jessop" from the movie "A Few Good Men". Here is what he will say if he comes out in real life. Remember the "You can't handle the truth" moment from the movie, "A Few Good Men":
"You can't handle the truth... Son, we live in a world that needs to survived with foreign investments and those investments need to be guarded by men with intelligence. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Catherine Lim, Mr Wang, The Online Citizen or Yawning Bread? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the old people who are cleaning toilets and sleeping in the void decks and curse the Singapore government; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the incompetence about bad GIC investments and Mas Selamat's escape, while tragic, probably saved lives and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want us the PAP to stay in power, you need us to stay in power. We use words like "let's move on", "competent leadership by smart people", "safeguard our reserves", "high pay for us", "foreign talent". We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. Those stupid bloggers use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the Progress packages, free education till 18 and GST offsets I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you be a quitter and get out of my elite uncaring face. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."
It's evident that the Singaporeans can't handle the truth. Hence I am not so worried about the coming elections. Meanwhile, smell the roses in the Singapore Flyer and let the foreigners come and steal jobs from our peasants.
Hate in the Time of Malaria,
Uncle Screwtape
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