It's time to dump our SDP minions

Dear Natascha,

I have been following the recent happenings in Singapore, thanks to the Reuters article your auntie Le Fey sent me. All and all, it started with the old man and the defammation suit on our other minions again. Seriously speaking, with the judiciary under our control, why do we need to even entertain our other minions, the brainless schizoprenic monkeys from the Singapore Democrat Party? Why don't you just whisper to Belinda, the judge to just tell Chee that he is committing a breach of offence to the court? It's time to do them in, given that you have turned Chee Soon Juan into a junkie activist. Even bloggers like the Singapore Patriot are shunning him and suggesting that he should start an activist group.

The point is that the Chee family has no more value to us. It's time to end the fiasco and use the law to wind up the SDP. Who are they trying to kid? The dumb Singaporeans who are busy being bribed by us once again? Don't they know that we have the power to control everything by the Lee family like the Italian mafia?

Importantly, it's time to focus on our enemy. In fact, our little Sith Lord named Ephraim Loy in the PAP has spoken of the danger of PAP being the opposition in the Internet. We have to be careful because your minions in the PAP might make these past silly mistakes. The point is that the tactics we chose to deal with our critics like Catherine Lim are getting stale, just as she is hurling all kinds of trash at us, with her serious disappointment about the Home Minister's incompetence on the Mas Selamat Scandal. Of course, before I forget, that stupid Yaw has spoken again.

I will say that we don't need Chee and his bunch of buffons anymore because they have established the impression to the foreign media that they are bunch of cranks and crackpots. The last thing they can do is to go berserk and run amok in town. What more can we do to crush these jokers? Even a cockroach can survive a nuclear bomb, but not them. In any case, we have better things to do like making sure that the inflation will make our peasants to work harder. In fact, not helping those peasants with subsidies will ensure that welfarism is non-existent in Asia, but exploitation does exist.

Speaking of which, you better tie up with Natalie to shut the mouth of that stupid Mahatir, who have recently quitted his own UMNO party. Seriously, you should just tell the Old Man to give him a phone call and say, "You know what, Mahatir, you should have asked Badawi to make you a senior minister, and then a minister mentor like me."

In any case, I will be watching with great glee. Tell the judge to do the right thing.

Do Great Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Taking the heat off the Incompetent

Dear Natascha,

It's not a good week to write this letter, as we are close to the holiday of our Enemy. After all, they need to pass sermons and hymns to celebrate their success against our evil Lord. I always hope that there are no holidays so that we can drive people to overwork and hate their lives.

So, our converted people from the SDP have taken a confrontational front against our minions. The mad woman who we have slowly indoctrinated is now demanding that our barking dogs to produce evidence about her famous "bite". Of course, her poor chinese education did not tell her that if we want to add crimes on them, it's so easy. It's so simple to ensure that they would get more offenses. Proof? Where?

I see that you are trying to get the Home Minister on the good books with the people. But I do not understand why he is making useless speeches on asking policymakers to take risks and be willing to experiment. Did he not know that the Civil Service, one of our unholy trinity, pride on being anal-retentive, bureaucratic, boring and inflexible? They are trained since the beginning to take orders and to take cover so that they would do no maverick. All they are just shells, graduated with the finest degrees from the Ivy Leagues but end up as useless walking machines everyday doing boring work. Did you not see how we waste pretty faces with top degrees to bring foreign guests around in the Economic Development Board like some whores? Of course, how can we have an unfair inquiry on the escape of that terrorist?

Enough of our slaves. I have read with displeasure that the blogosphere is now spreading news about the old and poor people. Did I not tell you that you need to get all these useless old men and women to old folks home or some random hospices where they could not be seen? Now they are lurking all around for our Enemies to start featuring them on the blogs. Of course, with our need to boost our own finances, thanks to the subprime mess in Wall Street, we cannot increase the public assistance fund. Be sure to tell that minister of yours to stone wall on that. Use excuses like "We cannot give money because that would erode our work ethic" such that the other Singaporeans can do nothing but sympathize with these old folks. As long as the rest of the populace are willing to vote us in, we can have our minions paid high salaries and continue our fee and tax hikes whatever we damn hell please.

So, it's not a good Friday to come, and do continue to spin our lies and deceit, spread the word of our Evil Lord and weave more misery for the middle class with rising costs of living.

Ultimately, victory is ours if we savour it.

Hate is the best medicine,
Uncle Screwtape