Monday, May 01, 2006

Singapore Elections 2006

Dear Natasha,

You are always in my thoughts, my young one. While we rejoice at the promotion of evil and power around you in your province, I was pretty impressed by your attempt to convert Xiaxue into a Sarong Party Girl. All it took was to put a beautiful caucasian boy right beside her, and there was the spark. She did not know that you shot her with the arrow of Eros. That was marvellous but there are greater issues in our hands.

The Singapore election 2006 has been the talk of the town. It was the time where you have to show to our dark lord that your evil prowess is growing at light speed. The political landscape here is barren and boring, with the one party rule pervading all parts of this little red dot. As we, the dark ones, have preached the Machiavellian ideas to the lords and princes, we are still in the league to shape politics in southeast Asia. The dictators rule will mean more evil generated and that is what we are here to do. Politics is a marketplace of interests and not an marketplace of morals. Yet, they did not know that it was the work of your elder brother who was posted there since the day of independence. So dark was the con of man, he had demonstrated how benevolent dictatorship could be translated into a vibrant "First Wold" city. With his brilliant machinations, the ruling party has adopted the following tricks to destroy her opposition: pork barrel politics, gerrymandering, character assassinations, GRCs (that was a brilliant invention on his part) and heavy power hard and high on casinos and national kidney foundation. You did not know that he was responsible in turning T. T. Durai from a harmless evangelist into a darklord that would cheat the peasants off their cash.

But you must do more and this is what my recommendations to you are for this election. As of always, your job is to ensure the ruling party stays in power. Create the lightning to break the anvil of the hammer, my dark youngling. Here are my recommendations to help you so that you can secure their stronghold against the opposition:

1. The Weakest Link: Destroy the weakest link in Aijunied GRC on the opposition end. Continue to prod your minions of the ruling party to call for inquiries and resignation on their opponent's ends. Then use their media influence to continue painting that moron who cannot fill up forms properly to be untrusted and unreliable. He will be perceived to be a liar and a fool. They did not know that you stole the minority forms and made them forgot about the bureaucratic traps in the last elections so that they could not take part.

2. Self praise is not self-disgrace: Continue to boast about the ruling party's achievements. Afterall, their opponents have no people to negotiate FTAs. They did not know that FTAs is our dark Lord's creation to increase the amount of poverty and exploitation in the world. Whisper the words of "First World Government", "Opposition is weak", "Leave no man behind" into the ruler's mind, they would crush the opposition in sight.

3. Continue the upgrading: Men are all selfish and pragmatic creatures. If we continue to bribe them, they will continue to do our bidding. Make sure that you tell the proposition leaders to continue using upgrading as a carrot. The people in Singapore are all cowards and we have to exploit that. We can exploit that to create increased healthcare costs, lower the wages of the workers so that we can treat them as peasants and we can destroy the economy whenever we feel like it, like SARS, NKF and casinos.

My thoughts are of such that I think that you have enough to work for the week. But make no mistake, either the opposition is with us or the opposition is against us. Remember, remember, the sixth of May, our minions will be returned in power, and there will be no stoppage in our great Lord's work.

your lovable Uncle,
Nomed Lived


Anonymous said...

waste of time. you'll be better off with other things. just don't crap.

The Oriental Express said...

A witty and creaive blog, Uncle.

Please read my poem written mainly in Hokkien dialect and a mixture of other languages (to show it as a truly Singaporean poem) on Chiam See Tong at

Will recommend your blog to my buddies overseas. Keep writing!

Gan Ghau