Monday, April 14, 2008

The Uncle Scrouge Mentality

Dear Natascha,

It seems that things are calming down. The realm of politics and external forces often works hand in hand. While the turn of events for Obama in the US has made me cringed with evil cackle, I was equally annoyed by those silly idiots who are breaking up our Olympics party in China. I have told your Uncle Mo to start changing the financial projections for the merchandise we sold for this coming event. Revenues are dipping once again, but we would be sure to get it back through other ways and means.

While trawling through the Internet, I was reading your latest juxtaposition with great pleasure on how you got the Prime Minister of Singapore to talk about the lessons learnt from the Internet. In fact, what made the article brilliant, was not about how the Singapore government is planning to regulate it. In fact, your war room must be littered with people coming up with new policies for the Ministry of Information, Communication and the Arts (MICA) to ensure that the Internet has minimal, if not, negligible effect in the upcoming Singapore elections in 2011. The most impressive is the spin on making opposition politicians like Chiam See Tong (who is going to die without a successor after we destroyed his party with an insurgent idiot named Chee), Low Thia Kiang (complain and offer no solutions) and Sylvia Lim (with her reserved aka keep quiet attitude). The point is that these people offered no replies and are letting us steam roll them with our little chunks of propaganda.

While we keep the ball on making the opposition look bad as usual, the bloggers are starting a new war on the establishment. Some even claimed that we are like a iceberg, floating with a little portion but submerging with most of it below. Yet, no matter how these dumb bloggers whinge and whine, they would not understand the underlying currents of Singapore politics. In fact, I believe that you have done a great job in understanding Singaporeans. First, they loved money and second, they only want short term gains.

As long as we can erase their memory with the micro funding we offer them in the name of Progress Package, GST offset and Singapore shares, they would forget about all the injustice that we would have done to them. For example, I liked your application of the Uncle Scrouge mentality which is the miser attitude towards all financial transcations on the peasants. First, tell them that we are giving food vouchers and free meals to them. Second, when these poor folks come to our lions' den, we give them hell by saying that you are not members of NTUC and therefore, they are not eligible to pay. Finally, charge them a small fee for the vouchers. In the end, we only give away 50 cents, but made ourselves look good for champion the poor and helpless. We need to be like Scrouge because we need to keep our billion dollar town council funds and the multi-billion dollar for the acquisition of investment banks and corporations out there.

Continue our good work. In fact, the F1 race and Youth Olympics are coming. We would be making a killing and perhaps extend the giving away from 50 cents to 75 cents. Then, by the next election, the word "change" is forgotten.

Poor is a psychological condition,
Uncle Screwtape

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Knee Jerk Economics

Dear Natascha,

The week has passed by slowly, with all these stupid investment banks dragging themselves out of the subprime crisis. While sipping my favourite Earl Grey tea, I was amused to hear from your cousin Rupert who managed to do Osama, er, Obama in with the "bitter" remark. At the rate that this is going, we are going to score a winning victory against our Enemy. After all, the Republicans are better at invading other countries and raising hostilities with China.

I was talking to a senior demon in China, who was complaining about the liberal and degenerating western media for wrongly "reported" the events in Tibet. Our enemy made the smartest move by instigating those handsome Hollywood stars like Richard Gere to make noise. Speaking of which, I am happy about your performance in getting the Prime Minister to kowtow to the Chinese government. Actually, I don't need his bootlicking, because the West would dare to do nothing. After these stupid western multi-national companies spilled so much money on the 2008 Olympics, they would put pressure on their governments to shut up. Who cares about human rights when you have the money?

That comes to my next point. I am surprised that it took you that long to get the Indian Finance Minister to make the knee jerk response for raising the S$ against the US$. Our Enemy must be stupid to think that we have a long term vision in doing this. The reason is that we are afraid that the inflation rates will make the peasants feel angrier against your minions. If he does not make the knee jerk response, the people will suffer, and I just found out that the rice prices have gone up by 80% last Friday.

This is the time to ensure that our Enemy is poorer. With a stronger S$, your sovereign wealth fund GIC can make more donations to falling investment banks. You have to be more careful because our Enemy has started a propaganda war on your sovereign wealth fund. They have indicated the relationship between the former Goldman Sachs head and the current CIO of Temasek thru the double headed snake NY Times who seemed to heap praise or sarcasm on us in different times.

Continue the knee jerk economics, and you must start to control the rich poor divide in Singapore such that you can prevent the same stupid landslide that happened in Malaysia last month.

Politics serve Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Monday, April 07, 2008

Succession is all about grades

Dear Natascha,

I read your letter with full of glee and joy yesterday. You have reiterated that this whole fiasco from the newspaper on the leadership transition in Singapore is to change the subject in the country. After all, you have already utilized the old man to cover the Home Minister's ass for the moment. By turning the fault on the whole escape of the terrorist to the people, you have stopped the peasants in questioning why the members of parliament and top civil servants are drawing exorbitant salaries. Of course, do these dumb peasants know that only the most incompetent and talk only people can be in the high position jobs? Otherwise, why do people always say that the CEO is just a salesman, not a leader?

Yes, the real interesting issue is about the leadership succession. Your current chief executive, the prime minister, son of the Old Man, has once again come out to talk about what he wants in a leader for the next generation and the current brain drain situation. Of course, he must be crazy to divulge the real reasons on why there is so much political apathy in Singapore. First, his party has totally destroyed the credibility of crazy opposition leaders like JBJ and Chee and ostracized the moderate opposition party for holding a bicycle event. Second, his predecessor and a top civil servant by the name of Bhavani have thrown a heavy sledgehammer on Catherine Lim and Mr Brown. Third, their calibrated coercion approach have made smart people to give up on being part of politics. After all, with such good stability, I think that you should whisper to him that he and his party should continue to be complacent. If you keep spewing crap to the people by telling them "The PAP is the best political party to bring you jobs and stability", they would not need to worry that the recent Malaysian anomaly would affect them. In fact, coupled with those useless activists, he does not need to worry because they are still gutless to join politics, and if you want an example, check this one and that one out.

The last point is about why he should continue our doctrine of wanting people with good A level grades and not smart people to be in the next generation of Singapore leadership. First and foremost, we want to decide the fate of a Singaporean by their A levels, because they are at the age of being the most easily indoctrinated type. After all, once you feed them with a scholarship in a Ivy League university and a top notched civil service career, they would have no choice but to be our minions. After all, being a top student in A levels just tell us that these are students who have no chances of winning great accolades i.e. they lack innovation and smartness. If they are that smart, they would already be coming with fantastic political science theories that would rock Harvard or Yale or become fields medalists below 40. So, the only reason why we want high A level grade students are because they lack street smart and would become the type of people close to those dumb investment bankers who cook up a sham called the subprime mortgage crisis.

I am often afraid that our Enemy might engineer a few people with street smart and lower grades (with the tenacity and perseverance that will turn them to Steve Jobs or Ronald Reagan) to disrupt our system. The Old Man was once like these people on the other side, until his whole team was corrupted by us.

Ultimately, good grades in A levels just tell us that they are muggers and useless self-serving people who know nothing of the world. That's good enough for Singapore because the peasants are equally brainless with their 3rd world mentality of bad service and greed and first world infrastructure that serve the rich and famous.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions,
Uncle Screwtape

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Cabinet Reshuffle and the GIC Debacle

Dear Natascha,

Looks like Murphy's law is inundating our minions lately. First, there was the over amount of taxation that led to public unhappiness over a large surplus. Second, you lost one of the most wanted terrorists in town and there is no public account on what happened (except with that wayang enquiry that was set up). Third, our trusted UBS have failed us with their US$19B write down.

I understand that you are going to rebut me that the UBS deal made by the sovereign wealth fund GIC was a good one. After all, the peasants have no lack of understanding on how we have complexified things on the derivatives. In fact, you will tell me about that US$990M coupons that can be exercised as convertibles within the next two years. Remember, it is within the next two years, and now the CEO of UBS is stepping down. It looks like GIC has screwed themselves, and my only solution to this mess, is to for GIC to make another round of cash injection and this time round, be smart, go and take a board seat so that they would not screw things around. Those idiotic investment bankers within our side have made blunders after blunders lately. So, I will leave you to clean up the mess once again.

Now that comes to my next point about the cabinet reshuffle that has happened recently. The first thing I was not happy with is that you did not demote the Home Minister. That guy seemed to have made so much mistakes recently that I don't even know where to start. The Mas Selamat incident was the tipping point. If that is not funny, how about putting an arrogant manpower minister to become education minister? Did I not tell you that we need to satisfy those well-educated feminists by promoting one of them to be a cabinet minister? Now, even your mouthpieces are whining about the lack of a female cabinet minister.

It has also dawned on me that you have decided who you would eventually want to be the next prime minister of Singapore. If I have guessed your intentions corrently, it's either the defence minister Teo, the new education minister Ng, or the financial minister Tharman. They seemed to be reasonable choices for the next PM. Well, I don't really care about who it would be as long as they served our interests like crushing the opposition and short-changing every Singaporean on dollars and cents from GST to CPF.

I look forward to hear good and not bad news from you.

The Lies are in You,
Uncle Screwtape