Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Fixing the Opposition "Consistently"

Dear Natascha,

I read your emails on my blackberry with displeasure. It seems that your cronies are still making silly mistakes now and then. I was surprised that they are learning the flip-flopping nature of John Kerry, particularly on charging that blogger by the name of Gopalan Nair. The worst is that you are not banning blogger while letting him rant like a mad dog. Once again, you need to unleash our allies like Lucky Tan to deliver us from good.

For a start, you need to teach your cronies how to fix their enemies consistently so that the common people are afraid. Let's do some market research as a start. We can do an assessment of the four opposition leaders with what this blogger has written. Another blogger also told us how he feels about the four opposition leaders. Actually, to us, it's good that these four holds a seperate domain because it is easy to tear them apart when they are seperate. First of all, let's look at CST, he's getting old and thanks to our mole and his protege CSJ, he has given up but holding to a small turf. He has no more will and soon Potong Pasir will turn to us again. Second, JBJ is also old, and both CST and him are still fighting with old man over who's right or wrong. Their only reason for losing in the longer run is because unlike the old man, they have no successors or any young people who want to join their cause. That's why you have done the smartest thing by sending our top cronies to Harvard Business School so that they understand what institutional memory and leadership succession mean. So far, our Enemy has picked this group to be our adversary. Still they got loose cannons or should I called them politically inept morons like Goh Meng Seng and Chia Ti Lik who would make the opposition plight worse by being impatient.

My advice is to be consistent in the way you fix the opposition. Of course, with the powerful legislative apparatus you provided the old man and his motley crew, you can ensure these opposition leaders with lawsuits that would drive the young people away. After young Singaporeans are not like the young Americans, they would not dare to go out and vote a Obama. The young Singaporeans would hide or have no backbone to reject the poison pills (or scholarships) we prepare for them. The threat is disabled easily for these young people. As long as those talented Singaporeans are in our radar as civil servants, we don't need to worry anymore because we controlled their livelihood.

That comes to my final point. Even if we ever manage to send the Chee siblings to the asylum, we still have monkeys decrying on our enemies with the label of "approved opposition". Those monkeys don't realize that the key to beat us is to have these moderates who can take over when our cronies lose power. So, we are forever unbeatable because the opposition behave like those silly liberal democrats who got themselves screwed with party unity hitting into the dustbin.

So, we should rejoice in the word of our Evil Lord,
Uncle Screwtape

Sunday, June 08, 2008

"Moral" Authority

Dear Natascha,

Thank you for sending the news on the recent defammation case between our minions on both side. I appreciate that you are now taking steps to dump those SDP clowns, particularly, in getting those who worked for us to "fix" them.

Like all evil schemes, it comes in a few steps. The first is to get those judges, well, court technicians, we call them to give us the strength of the law. I was happy that Belinda has done a brilliant job in charging the Chees with the contempt of court. I also appreciate the excellent work done by our minions to charge that Singaporean-turned American who associated the judge with a poorly thought imagery of prostitution. I have told your Uncle Rupert to stop those US politicians to come and make noise about our unfair way of treating that seditious blogger. That sets up the first step in our retaliation against our Enemy. The second step is to use our traditional media to paint the Chees in being mentally deranged. Chua Lee Hoong has done a fantastic job in creating the illusion that Chee is suffering from a psychological disorder. How did you get Chua Lee Hoong to bother about protecting our minions by writing a very poison letter out in the public? I wonder whether you have been part of whispering words into Chee's ears in making him act out the disorder. The third is to disband the SDP, which I am sure that you will get it done within weeks and months. Once we charged them to their pants dropped, those dumb peasants will feel even more helpless and go back to their pathetic lives of consumerism and materialism. Should we call for an election once the SDP is delisted from the political parties of Singapore?

Still, some of our enemies have figured our approach. They realized that the SDP is deliberately making our minions look bad. For example, in my part of the world, the old man looked like an old gangster in the Godfather Movie. The problem is that if we continue to act in the way that we disobey the law, the people will not give us the "moral mandate" to govern the country. Of course, we are evil, why do we believe in looking good? It's like we see celebrities like Heath Ledger, they look good but they are all drug addicts. So, it's important for our trade to look good but be bad. We need to start to change our image to appear benevolent again. The way to do it is to start with "good" news to fool the peasants like good tourism and high GDP growth numbers. It is imperative that we need to get some "moral authority" to further our cause of capitalism and disaster. I will propose some strategies for you to pass onto our minions.

First, spread the bribery again. Reduce taxes on the road and the food. Get NTUC to give more vouchers. We need to stop the peasants to think about the Chees but more about their livelihoods. Second, prepare to call an election in the coming year where the economy hit the rock bottom. If experience has told us, we often win elections when the economy is faltering. The peasants only turn to the PAP and no one else. If we win the next one, you can give Old Man a slack and let him poke fun at Mahatir about why he made a bad mistake for not becoming a senior minister. Third, we need to start having our minions like the Chua sisters to start blogging. Otherwise, the new media elements might create more disturbance in our dark forces. The easiest way is to start cracking down or get the new media elements to register. Forget the "light touch" and apply the "heavy hand" to silence our critics, particularly, those ex-civil servants or CEOs who are opening their big mouths on our CPF and healthcare schemes.

Evil is the heart of all things,
Uncle Screwtape