Sympathizers and Elites

Dear Natascha,

The time in hell is always one of eternity. I have read your letters with glee lately, as the anger of the citizens your minions are controlling are starting to tone down. Looks like your strategy of calibrating the opposition so that a freak election won't happen is starting to work. Those citizens will have no time to think about how we impose control and create a false sense of security for them. The reason is simple, with our Evil Lord's new release of H1N1 virus and global financial crisis version 10, the whole world seemed to be caught in a constant fear and anxiety. If you are smart, you should be steering your effort to complete the finishing touches before the dawn of the next Singapore general election.

You should take a leaf from your cousin Rupert, who have recently made a scapegoat out of the Ponzi scheme maker, Madoff who cheated the whole world of US$50B. Not to mention those investment wankers we have seeded in Wall Street who are still enjoying high compensations with the same old broken record statement "we need to retain the best talent in Wall Street". In fact, nowadays cheap is a dirty word. Look at what happened to the British members of Parliament, a little mischief from my part has created havoc for them, where a daily London newspaper has exposed the misdeeds of these politicians in over claiming expenses. The British still think that politicians are working for their welfare. They should take a leaf from your minions to set the high pay from the start and use the convenient stonewalling strategy that we need to attract the best and brightest with high pay. In fact, politics need a 2.0 like how those clowns from the Internet that are constantly reporting the wrong news like Jeff Goldblum & Natalie Portman just "died".

Speaking of which, I read with distaste lately from one of your minions who was a supporter of our minions. I can't believe that our sub-minions have started to criticise our minions about sustainable development. Obviously, it is stupidity and written all over this clown that he's an ex-civil servant. How did he not know of your minions' strategy to control the citizens of the country by the pork barrel politics of upgrading and selling flats as assets? Perhaps, his brain is so fried that he did not understand the meaning of politics with a capital P. The other sub-minion has been trawling on the wrong side with discussions of elitism. You also need to start talking to your future spawns and ask them to tone down their elitist talk. Yes, we all know that those scholars your minions sent out are the best and the brightest from a selected subset of people who know how to pass exams, but they need to remember that what happened to the best and brightest during the French Revolution. The royals all ended up in the guillotine. Otherwise, you will get our enemies to provide an opening that will give the citizens power again. I also have to remind you to start preventing knowledge of those failed and weak elites (who killed themselves) your minions have selected from our "meritocratic system". The way to narrow the gap is to have our minions, the politicians to pretend that they care for the people and throw the civil servants (who spend 45K to learn to be chefs) under the bus.

My only advice for you to "fix" the ex-sympathizers of our minions is to continue and screw their brain with how the elites are failing them. As for our kid elites, be prepared to send them to correction camps like the Chinese did to their scholars during the Chinese Revolution.

Always Be Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Good and Bad PR

Dear Natascha,

I have read your past few emails with interest. Ever since the bombshell of giving opposition more voice dropped into the blogosphere, you have effectively divided the opposition parties once again. Even if you have not given them that 20% parliament seats for more "voice" (or more loud hailers of course), they would still be in disarray. Don't these morons ever learn that the only day where they can wrestle control from our minions is the day when they can consistently speak in one proper voice and not sending mixed messages to the electorate?

You may think that this letter was sent to commend on your recent performances, particularly, those PR stunts you have been pulling off with the Old Man heading to Malaysia and visit friends (with all those hidden agendas to promote our Evil Lord's work) and the "holy" Goh visiting Myanmar to fake how concerned ASEAN are on their case to prosecute that politician (who they held hostage for the longest time). Event PM Lee's hypocritical statements of humility have made me laughed. It does not help when I see those who are attacking our minions bridging Animal Farm to be relevant to Singapore's current situation.

Instead, I am writing this letter to admonish you for the bad PR work you have been doing with Temasek. After all, Temasek is one of our Lord's money making machines. Your poor attempts to mask losses (given our Enemy controlled the liberal western media) have illustrated how incompetent our minions are in managing shit loads of money. You need to step up efforts not to let the peasants in Singapore to get hold of international news. Every time when the Financial Times and BBC throw up some articles about us losing money, your minions did not come up with good answers. Instead they made silly mistakes and it's making us a laughing stock to our Enemy who did not need a lot of effort to show the people that we are losing money. I will suggest that you take serious steps to push our minions to pay more and get good PR.

One last thing before I dropped my pen, you should probably think of way to move Lee Bee Wah out of the STTA job. She has been an eyesore and she seemed to have incur some wrath from the populace. It will be good to make sure that we have no stones unturned by the next election.

Your hate is my love,
Uncle Screwtape

The 80-20 Percent Rule

Dear Natascha,

It has been a while since we have corresponded with each other. Our evil Lord has been working on several new initiatives to torment our enemy. We started with the subprime mortgage crisis, followed by the Lehmann meltdown and now the swine flu (H1N1 virus). Of course, engineering crises are a forte in my department. It helps to steer our minions in good light.

Your crisis management of the AWARE saga have been well taken by our Lord. Both the corrupted Christian Right and the secular militants (led by the gays and lesbians) have now engaged in a clear war with events like Pink Dot, the smearing of Siew Kum Hong NMP and the many back and forth between the supporters of the Feminist Mentor including Thio Li Ann. Our gains are from their constant war. As long as you are constantly fanning fires between the homosexuals and the Christian Right on both fronts, these activists from both sides of the House will fall in our hands at some point without them realizing it. Don't you think that it's so ironic? By committing the dishonourable deeds of poison pen and manufacturing smears on Siew Kum Hong, those Christians (who are now servants of our Dark Lord) are deviating away from our Enemy's teachings of being compassionate and humane. They did not realize that we have infused into them the corrupted way to re-interpret that stupid book provided by our Enemy. Similarly, the gays and lesbians will be drawn to our evil world with the constant attack of being discriminated. It's a war that never ends.

It looks like that the recent freak results in the Malaysian and US elections have alerted you to do some work on your minions front. The new announcements from the Prime Minister of Singapore on tweaking the political system have been wonderful, if not strategic. Yet, I believed that you have stolen from my playbook - the strategy of containment by providing a space for manufactured dissent. If the numbers are always 99% PAP and 1% opposition, the voters will constantly be locked to take extreme actions such that they might provide a freak result and vote our minions out.

By using this new idea of (1) increasing 9 to 12 single constituencies, (2) lowering the number of 6 member GRCs and (3) increasing the number of NCMPs to 20, your minions have effectively contained the victory for the next election. Honestly, it took you take long to convince that old man that it is better to treat the symptoms for a lacklustre and toothless opposition. After what's the difference between 82-2 and 64-20 in the layout of PAP and opposition members? In any argument, our minions will still win. That's the key - winning. We want to win the vote to allow our minions to run the Government linked Corporations and the sovereign wealth funds such as GIC and Temasek without any interference. The absolute numbers of increasing opposition does not matter anymore. A nice cosmetic change to bring the number to 20% of the parliament just give the Opposition to make more stupid mistakes. In fact, the stupid voters will now see our minions in positive light and continuing doing what they do best - sitting on the fence. I will suggest that you get more lawyers on your side for defamation suits, justify the Public Order Act and Political Films Act and make sure that power corrupts the opposition in Parliament. It's a beautiful trap that I am already smiling for our future.

You will update me more on your progress with our minions. I look forward to good news ahead.

In eternal Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Our Evil Gains from the AWARE Fiasco

Dear Natascha,

Thank you for your sketchy memo about the situation in AWARE EGM two days back. Our enemies have indeed ushered their comrades to deal with the Christian fundamentalists (particularly, the feminist mentor whom we have corrupted her with myopic and contra-Christian values that have now surfaced to the public) which we have corrupted years back. Honestly, I have laughed out loud when I saw the feminist mentor being ridiculed and shouted down by the liberals (who are the children of our Lord's immortal enemy). If our liberal friends think that they have won, they are absolutely wrong. The way that the liberals shouted down the feminist mentor had made them no different from hooligans that do not gave others with different views a place or freedom to speak their mind. The evils of democracy, of course!

Now it is time for you to concentrate our corruption of the feminist mentor and the hooligan liberals. For the feminist mentor (whom some coined the Thio-liban), it is time for her to moan for her defeat and the lack of respect shown to her by the young punks. She would realize that our Enemy had not come to help her in the darkest hour. Like how the brightest angel fell to the darkness of hell, it is time for you to whisper words of revenge, anger and blood. Tell her to continue her crusade and misguide her to think that she was doing our Enemy's work. Then use her status to influence over those weaklings with status around her so that they can further spread our virulent and discriminatory agenda on gays and lesbians. After all, that's how Rupert, your cousin has done to the Christian Right in the US. If necessary, persuade her daughter to stay the course and stay nominated as an NMP to further the discriminatory evil agenda that we laid out for them.

For the liberals, life is simpler. They have won, and they would claim that they can now change the society. Continue to pass sublimal messages to those liberals who boo-ed the feminist mentor. Continue to let their sense of justice to be turned into anger and hooliganism so that they will tolerate no voice but their own. Then our minions, aka the politicians can come and rein them in with vicious methods of regulation and charges of defamation as time goes on.

After all, our feminist mentor and her minions did not realize that you have secretly double crossed her. Your deliberate ploy using backdoor pressure from the politicians to goad Pastor Derek Hong into apologising for the misusing pulpit has been brilliant. Only the dumb and the moronic will be tricked into thinking that the establishment (which we controlled) do not want to get involved in this so-called civil society fiasco. Of course, they don't realize that we are the ones who are pulling the strings and manipulating our muppets to action.

If there is something to be gained by our Enemy, it is the sense of self-righteousness that leaves much disdain from us. Yet, letting them to win this battle is a strategy for us to last out and win the war.

So, my dearest niece, continue to make your Singaporean civil society to be intolerant, suspicious of each other's agendas and getting precedents so that your minions can use them to further your cause.

Lots of Hate,
Uncle Screwtape

Bra Wars

Dear Natascha, my lovely niece

It has been a long time since I have written to you. While I am busy helping your cousins Rupert and Rufus to deal with the mess created by those investment bankers in Wall Street, I found no pleasure to hear that you are also having a hard time to help the PAP to stay in power under such exceptional difficult financial climate. Of course, the euphemisms that we adapt on the dark side are "challenging" and "fundamentals of the economy are strong".

Of course, I heard that your plans to instigate your minions and call for a general election are derailed with the Merlion getting struck by lightning. With that small geomancy disaster, you told me that the most powerful man in the little red dot was worried that the end of his party's dominance is near. Then it offset your beautiful idea that it is the 50th anniversary for the PAP since they came to power by eliminating another group of men we corrupted, namely, the communists.

In fact, Rufus has just sent me this silly internet link from your number 1 & 2 enemies about a conference held by a woman group called AWARE. It seemed that fundamentalist Christian Right we have converted using subliminal discrimination tactics, has finally engineered a coup d’etat on the liberals and centrists. Being alerted to the news, I quickly did a google search and was perplexed why you have not informed me of such interesting cat fights going on in Singapore. While the Christian Right led by Dr Thio Su Mien and Josie Lau are now fighting the centrist AWARE ex-co coupled with their coalition of the willing: liberal social media, lesbians and gays, we have seen the rule of law falling apart using a microscope on a small feminist organization. It often amused me why those centrist AWARE founders have created a society with weak constitution and election laws that could be hijacked by fundamentalists. In fact, they should be scolding themselves why they did not see some devious pattern at work by our minions (the Christian Right) to engineer a hostile takeover. Of course, I liked the new AWARE exco for masking their intentions to attack the gay and lesbian agenda by telling them that they want to restore AWARE's original purpose which they defined as helping women who are not lesbians with social causes.

So, here's a formula, my niece on how you can milk the AWARE incident to your advantage. First corrupt those women in the liberal wing and let them understand that no matter how democratic the system is at work, it will be hijacked by people from the opposite ideology. All this battle between the Christian Right and the Liberal Lesbians are a reflection of how immature the society are. Let them take arms and you can start justify draconian laws like the Public Order act that is brought up recently by the Law Minister. Of course, not to mention your funny trick of putting a general to run the Ministry of Information, Communication and the Arts. Only by showing how democracy failed with petty tactics from these feminists, you can start justifying why a "good" and "clean" or this poor English phrase "whiter than white" government is required for Singapore. Of course, one more thing, you should always do is to get those mainstream journalists, "That's why we cannot have protests and disagreements because it will lead our country to instability."

I often wondered why the enemies to our Dark Lord never realized that their followers are just a bunch of sheep and hypocritical as much as we are. As least we are shameless to say that we discriminate and do evil to the world, but it never fail to amaze me that the Christian Right in Singapore are showing their dominance and leading their charge to discriminate the gays and lesbians. Let us continue to let the mainstream media to cover the bra wars while you can tell your minions to push policies to "fix" the opposition in the background.

Fixing the Opposition "Consistently"

Dear Natascha,

I read your emails on my blackberry with displeasure. It seems that your cronies are still making silly mistakes now and then. I was surprised that they are learning the flip-flopping nature of John Kerry, particularly on charging that blogger by the name of Gopalan Nair. The worst is that you are not banning blogger while letting him rant like a mad dog. Once again, you need to unleash our allies like Lucky Tan to deliver us from good.

For a start, you need to teach your cronies how to fix their enemies consistently so that the common people are afraid. Let's do some market research as a start. We can do an assessment of the four opposition leaders with what this blogger has written. Another blogger also told us how he feels about the four opposition leaders. Actually, to us, it's good that these four holds a seperate domain because it is easy to tear them apart when they are seperate. First of all, let's look at CST, he's getting old and thanks to our mole and his protege CSJ, he has given up but holding to a small turf. He has no more will and soon Potong Pasir will turn to us again. Second, JBJ is also old, and both CST and him are still fighting with old man over who's right or wrong. Their only reason for losing in the longer run is because unlike the old man, they have no successors or any young people who want to join their cause. That's why you have done the smartest thing by sending our top cronies to Harvard Business School so that they understand what institutional memory and leadership succession mean. So far, our Enemy has picked this group to be our adversary. Still they got loose cannons or should I called them politically inept morons like Goh Meng Seng and Chia Ti Lik who would make the opposition plight worse by being impatient.

My advice is to be consistent in the way you fix the opposition. Of course, with the powerful legislative apparatus you provided the old man and his motley crew, you can ensure these opposition leaders with lawsuits that would drive the young people away. After young Singaporeans are not like the young Americans, they would not dare to go out and vote a Obama. The young Singaporeans would hide or have no backbone to reject the poison pills (or scholarships) we prepare for them. The threat is disabled easily for these young people. As long as those talented Singaporeans are in our radar as civil servants, we don't need to worry anymore because we controlled their livelihood.

That comes to my final point. Even if we ever manage to send the Chee siblings to the asylum, we still have monkeys decrying on our enemies with the label of "approved opposition". Those monkeys don't realize that the key to beat us is to have these moderates who can take over when our cronies lose power. So, we are forever unbeatable because the opposition behave like those silly liberal democrats who got themselves screwed with party unity hitting into the dustbin.

So, we should rejoice in the word of our Evil Lord,
Uncle Screwtape

"Moral" Authority

Dear Natascha,

Thank you for sending the news on the recent defammation case between our minions on both side. I appreciate that you are now taking steps to dump those SDP clowns, particularly, in getting those who worked for us to "fix" them.

Like all evil schemes, it comes in a few steps. The first is to get those judges, well, court technicians, we call them to give us the strength of the law. I was happy that Belinda has done a brilliant job in charging the Chees with the contempt of court. I also appreciate the excellent work done by our minions to charge that Singaporean-turned American who associated the judge with a poorly thought imagery of prostitution. I have told your Uncle Rupert to stop those US politicians to come and make noise about our unfair way of treating that seditious blogger. That sets up the first step in our retaliation against our Enemy. The second step is to use our traditional media to paint the Chees in being mentally deranged. Chua Lee Hoong has done a fantastic job in creating the illusion that Chee is suffering from a psychological disorder. How did you get Chua Lee Hoong to bother about protecting our minions by writing a very poison letter out in the public? I wonder whether you have been part of whispering words into Chee's ears in making him act out the disorder. The third is to disband the SDP, which I am sure that you will get it done within weeks and months. Once we charged them to their pants dropped, those dumb peasants will feel even more helpless and go back to their pathetic lives of consumerism and materialism. Should we call for an election once the SDP is delisted from the political parties of Singapore?

Still, some of our enemies have figured our approach. They realized that the SDP is deliberately making our minions look bad. For example, in my part of the world, the old man looked like an old gangster in the Godfather Movie. The problem is that if we continue to act in the way that we disobey the law, the people will not give us the "moral mandate" to govern the country. Of course, we are evil, why do we believe in looking good? It's like we see celebrities like Heath Ledger, they look good but they are all drug addicts. So, it's important for our trade to look good but be bad. We need to start to change our image to appear benevolent again. The way to do it is to start with "good" news to fool the peasants like good tourism and high GDP growth numbers. It is imperative that we need to get some "moral authority" to further our cause of capitalism and disaster. I will propose some strategies for you to pass onto our minions.

First, spread the bribery again. Reduce taxes on the road and the food. Get NTUC to give more vouchers. We need to stop the peasants to think about the Chees but more about their livelihoods. Second, prepare to call an election in the coming year where the economy hit the rock bottom. If experience has told us, we often win elections when the economy is faltering. The peasants only turn to the PAP and no one else. If we win the next one, you can give Old Man a slack and let him poke fun at Mahatir about why he made a bad mistake for not becoming a senior minister. Third, we need to start having our minions like the Chua sisters to start blogging. Otherwise, the new media elements might create more disturbance in our dark forces. The easiest way is to start cracking down or get the new media elements to register. Forget the "light touch" and apply the "heavy hand" to silence our critics, particularly, those ex-civil servants or CEOs who are opening their big mouths on our CPF and healthcare schemes.

Evil is the heart of all things,
Uncle Screwtape

It's time to dump our SDP minions

Dear Natascha,

I have been following the recent happenings in Singapore, thanks to the Reuters article your auntie Le Fey sent me. All and all, it started with the old man and the defammation suit on our other minions again. Seriously speaking, with the judiciary under our control, why do we need to even entertain our other minions, the brainless schizoprenic monkeys from the Singapore Democrat Party? Why don't you just whisper to Belinda, the judge to just tell Chee that he is committing a breach of offence to the court? It's time to do them in, given that you have turned Chee Soon Juan into a junkie activist. Even bloggers like the Singapore Patriot are shunning him and suggesting that he should start an activist group.

The point is that the Chee family has no more value to us. It's time to end the fiasco and use the law to wind up the SDP. Who are they trying to kid? The dumb Singaporeans who are busy being bribed by us once again? Don't they know that we have the power to control everything by the Lee family like the Italian mafia?

Importantly, it's time to focus on our enemy. In fact, our little Sith Lord named Ephraim Loy in the PAP has spoken of the danger of PAP being the opposition in the Internet. We have to be careful because your minions in the PAP might make these past silly mistakes. The point is that the tactics we chose to deal with our critics like Catherine Lim are getting stale, just as she is hurling all kinds of trash at us, with her serious disappointment about the Home Minister's incompetence on the Mas Selamat Scandal. Of course, before I forget, that stupid Yaw has spoken again.

I will say that we don't need Chee and his bunch of buffons anymore because they have established the impression to the foreign media that they are bunch of cranks and crackpots. The last thing they can do is to go berserk and run amok in town. What more can we do to crush these jokers? Even a cockroach can survive a nuclear bomb, but not them. In any case, we have better things to do like making sure that the inflation will make our peasants to work harder. In fact, not helping those peasants with subsidies will ensure that welfarism is non-existent in Asia, but exploitation does exist.

Speaking of which, you better tie up with Natalie to shut the mouth of that stupid Mahatir, who have recently quitted his own UMNO party. Seriously, you should just tell the Old Man to give him a phone call and say, "You know what, Mahatir, you should have asked Badawi to make you a senior minister, and then a minister mentor like me."

In any case, I will be watching with great glee. Tell the judge to do the right thing.

Do Great Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

SDP vs PAP - The Video Fiasco

Dear Natascha,

You should not have awaken me with this latest email of yours. The notification bell on my blackberry (with the Microsoft Exchange) has been ringing so loud that I have to get out of my bed to see what it's going on. After reading the contents of your email, I realize that the other group who we control: the SDP gang is out on the mischief against the establishment (which we also control). It must be a pain for you to control two groups of people who are directly in conflict. Of course, both sides don't realize that they have fallen to our side. What the hell, a video fiasco again!

Originally, I am aware that you corrupted Chee Soon Juan and his bunch of SDP democrats to do stupid things such that the whole opposition loses credibility. However, they are getting more and more out of hand lately. I am wondering how the Media Development Authority got wind of the event that they are publicizing the political video "One Nation Under Lee". Let me make a guess, the hotel hosting the event (with those cowardly Singaporeans trying to cover their backside as usual) or some spies planted by the PAP who kept their movement in check for 24 hours.

The problem is the following. You have to start telling your minions in PAP to stop patronizing these idiots. As we have started to exploit the Internet for our purposes especially in promoting sex, drugs, pornography and violence, we have also discovered best practices in handling Internet content before it blew out of proportion.

First of all, your minions in PAP make the mistake of being filmed by those jokers of yours in SDP. By filming coupled with selective editing, your SDP cronies can make your PAP cronies look like those North Korean Secret Police force. I pity those three MDA officials you sent. They have become overnight stars in the Internet. I wonder if any anti-establishment people like taxi drivers have cursed them in public. Next time, you want to send them to pick up DVDs of banned political films, use the police to snatch all filming equipment. If those SDP goons use a mobile phone as a last ditch, their videos would be of bad quality and the public would not be able to make any sense of what has transpired. By giving those idiots so clear coverage, you are making the public more curious and sympathetic to the cause of these bunch of mad people.

Second, you are wasting time to bust these small events. The SDP gathering reminds me of a bunch of scientologists having some cultic practices about Ron Hubbard's silly drug theories. Let's deconstruct what the SDP gathering event is about. Understand that the SDP goons will invite those who are already converted to their cause. How many of them are there? Less than 50. There is a total of 4.6M people in Singapore. Divide that number, and you realize that it is insignificant to create a tipping point for them to convert the rest of them. Do you think that the typical 5C chasing Singaporean will be interested in what the opposition already say? By giving attention to these idiots when they have film launches, your minions in PAP are spurring more people to go to YouTube or Google Video and view the video "One Nation Under Lee".

Third, even if the video is online and would be spread to more people, who will be watching it? Remember only 30-40% of Singapore are English educated. There is a significant amount of people who don't even know what GIC is. Those English educated Singaporeans are so scared of the ISD that they would still vote for the PAP. Then, if you go to the next group of people, who are the bunch of Singaporeans who only speak Holkien and broken English, do you think that they can withstand Chee Soon Juan's flowery grammar and bombastic vocabulary? Sometimes, I wonder how you whisper to the Old Man about crushing his opposition. Defammation suits would be allowed. In fact, since the video is out in the open, call the lawyers and sue them until their pants dropped. I will overlook this fiasco out of my sympathy that the Old Man's wife is now in serious condition out there. Please send my best wishes to them.

Next time, if something like this happen, just take your time and send it to me in the morning UK time.

Corrupting the Bright Side of Life,
Uncle Screwtape

It's all Politics, Stupid!

Dear Natascha,

I read your letters with glee and zest. For all that matter, your uncles Mo and Dang, in China and Myanmar have written to me about the recent disasters that our Dark Lord have inflicted on them: earthquake in Sichuan province and tonardo through Myanmar. According to Mo, the ploy is to stop those Tibetan activists protesting on the Olympics torch rally. How did these activists stop trying to catch fire, where there are bigger humanitarian causes for them to sort out? For the Myanmar, it is more for population control, as we need to keep the Junta in power. So, that's why you can see two different responses from two authoritarian regimes.

While I hear these poor people out in those countries, I am amused by a piece of news which you sent to me. It's concerning one of the cronies of our enemies, Mr Yaw Shin Leong from the Hammer Party. I laughed at the stupidity of this young and idealistic politician. Is he trying to do a Barack Obama, by coming up with stupid lines like "I bring people together"? Did he not understand politics is about divisiveness and backstabbing. In fact, through my last letter to you, that dumb moron by the name of Kway Teow Man is now saying that what Yaw does is right. Thanks to him, he has totally helped us in our cause to make our enemies look stupid.
In fact, he made it so academic that there is no problem with the vote at all.

In fact, here is how you should prepare against Workers Party in the next election. Whenever Yaw contested any ward, just keep putting his fiasco on every Internet website. Start making fake soundbites about his statement, "I vote for Teo Ho Pin because he is the better guy." If we continue doing that, everyone will think that there is no way but to vote for PAP. Yes, he has told us that the PAP MP in his ward is the better guy. Perhaps, he might join the ranks of our Enemy to be the better man. But human nature is dark, selfish and at times, vicious. Perhaps, you have poisoned Kway Teow Man again to defend stupidity, like the way how he defends that the government is always right. Of course, if he is indeed a past minion in the Civil Service we controlled, then we should take advantage of his stupidity to use politics to divide and conquer. In fact, thanks to him, now Yaw is associated with the PAP. Seriously, maybe you should consider drafting him to be your mole, and we would start another round of "The Departed".

Now, you can take our movement one step further, by selling to the rest of the electorate in Singapore (who are all stupid) that the WP endorses the policies of the PAP, hence there is no need to vote for WP. What a brilliant opportunity for us to exploit on.

Let's continue the politics and make life harder for the opposition. In fact, now our only enemy will be screwed from both ends. The first end is with the main party PAP being endorsed by them and the second end is those bad foggies like CSJ and JBJ would take the BBQ skewer to stab them.

The end where all Men pay,
Uncle Screwtape

You can't handle the Truth!

Dear Natascha,

Lately, you seem to be ready to go away from Singapore for the summer holidays. You might want to come to stay with me in London, so that I can preach you more on how to handle our Enemy. From your last email, I believed that you have everything in control from the internet to defending the Minister from the uproar of the bloggers about his incompetence.

After all, why should we fire a minister and the director of Internal Security Act for such a small mistake? We need both of them to help those poor peasants to craft the necessary policies against religious fundamentalism. When I hear about all those silly bloggers asking for political freedom of the press and advocating the minister to get a pay cut, I laughed and mused to myself, "These peasants can only make noise and everything stays the same after that. It's because even among the bloggers themselves are spineless." That article from the ex-CEO of NTUC Income just made me laughed. He reminded me of that old civil servant who retired and now started to make raving criticisms against those who took over from them. These old men, like Tan Kin Lian and Ngiam Tong How should realize that they could have done something when they are in power. Looks like they never learned from the person they revered most, our Old Man in forever power. Now, they can only sit out and whinge like a disgruntled Liverpool fan who keeps bemoaning why they have not won the Premiere League for 18 years and still counting.

This whole discussion on high cost of living and equating competence with the high pay of minister's is just illogical without proper inferences, if not ridiculous. In fact, I read about people questioning how reserves should be spent. Even if we are evil, we have assigned the best and the brightest, indoctrinated from the Ivy League schools to look after them. Their helicopter vision and lack of empathy towards the poor and destitute have done us well. Why should we care whether the old are cleaning toilets out there? They need to work and they should be not given the welfare system which have caused the government in Westminster to be forever indebted and give out payouts to bribe the electorate.

You indicated your worries about the Internet being an amplifier but I can assure you that the 2008 General Election in Malaysia is an anomaly. There are a few reasons why I am not worried that bloggers are a threat. First of all, they spent their time on writing silly policy paper and not being on the ground. Second, we have bloggers who are sympathizers to the minions we appointed on the ground. For example, we see smart Ivy League graduates or perhaps former or present civil servants dressing up as a heartlander blogger, like this one here, named Kway Teow Man or some dumb peasant named Lucky Tan.

Their styles are different. Lucky Tan demonstrates the truth about Singaporeans out there, who want the government to do more for them. After all, our minions receive high pay to ensure that every Singaporean must have a home and material wealth, devoid of clear thinking and desensitized from politics. He gave us the parody that would be acknowledged by the cab driver who would be forever in PMS (Women's thing) that the Singapore government are making their lives difficult.

If Kway Teow Man is the finance minister, I might be the Minister Mentor. In fact, you should position more of these people in the blogosphere. You can always create similar variants of these faked heartlander pseudonyms (but they are actually well-paid civil servants/politicians or ex-civil servants), for example, the Mee Pok Man, the Keropok Man, the Chicken Rice Stall Seller and the Mee Siam mai hum Man. Kway Teow Man is the type who will claim that his logic about economics and insurance is right and will call everyone stupid if they don't comprehend his train of thought from his higher than thou Ivy League education. After all, he has explained to us why we should let a few men to manage the few hundred billion dollars with no accountability required and why we should not regulate the industry even if people are suffering from faulty financial instruments.

Of course, we need people like him to be around because he represents the "Colonel Jessop" from the movie "A Few Good Men". Here is what he will say if he comes out in real life. Remember the "You can't handle the truth" moment from the movie, "A Few Good Men":

"You can't handle the truth... Son, we live in a world that needs to survived with foreign investments and those investments need to be guarded by men with intelligence. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Catherine Lim, Mr Wang, The Online Citizen or Yawning Bread? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the old people who are cleaning toilets and sleeping in the void decks and curse the Singapore government; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the incompetence about bad GIC investments and Mas Selamat's escape, while tragic, probably saved lives and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want us the PAP to stay in power, you need us to stay in power. We use words like "let's move on", "competent leadership by smart people", "safeguard our reserves", "high pay for us", "foreign talent". We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. Those stupid bloggers use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the Progress packages, free education till 18 and GST offsets I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you be a quitter and get out of my elite uncaring face. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

It's evident that the Singaporeans can't handle the truth. Hence I am not so worried about the coming elections. Meanwhile, smell the roses in the Singapore Flyer and let the foreigners come and steal jobs from our peasants.

Hate in the Time of Malaria,
Uncle Screwtape

The Uncle Scrouge Mentality

Dear Natascha,

It seems that things are calming down. The realm of politics and external forces often works hand in hand. While the turn of events for Obama in the US has made me cringed with evil cackle, I was equally annoyed by those silly idiots who are breaking up our Olympics party in China. I have told your Uncle Mo to start changing the financial projections for the merchandise we sold for this coming event. Revenues are dipping once again, but we would be sure to get it back through other ways and means.

While trawling through the Internet, I was reading your latest juxtaposition with great pleasure on how you got the Prime Minister of Singapore to talk about the lessons learnt from the Internet. In fact, what made the article brilliant, was not about how the Singapore government is planning to regulate it. In fact, your war room must be littered with people coming up with new policies for the Ministry of Information, Communication and the Arts (MICA) to ensure that the Internet has minimal, if not, negligible effect in the upcoming Singapore elections in 2011. The most impressive is the spin on making opposition politicians like Chiam See Tong (who is going to die without a successor after we destroyed his party with an insurgent idiot named Chee), Low Thia Kiang (complain and offer no solutions) and Sylvia Lim (with her reserved aka keep quiet attitude). The point is that these people offered no replies and are letting us steam roll them with our little chunks of propaganda.

While we keep the ball on making the opposition look bad as usual, the bloggers are starting a new war on the establishment. Some even claimed that we are like a iceberg, floating with a little portion but submerging with most of it below. Yet, no matter how these dumb bloggers whinge and whine, they would not understand the underlying currents of Singapore politics. In fact, I believe that you have done a great job in understanding Singaporeans. First, they loved money and second, they only want short term gains.

As long as we can erase their memory with the micro funding we offer them in the name of Progress Package, GST offset and Singapore shares, they would forget about all the injustice that we would have done to them. For example, I liked your application of the Uncle Scrouge mentality which is the miser attitude towards all financial transcations on the peasants. First, tell them that we are giving food vouchers and free meals to them. Second, when these poor folks come to our lions' den, we give them hell by saying that you are not members of NTUC and therefore, they are not eligible to pay. Finally, charge them a small fee for the vouchers. In the end, we only give away 50 cents, but made ourselves look good for champion the poor and helpless. We need to be like Scrouge because we need to keep our billion dollar town council funds and the multi-billion dollar for the acquisition of investment banks and corporations out there.

Continue our good work. In fact, the F1 race and Youth Olympics are coming. We would be making a killing and perhaps extend the giving away from 50 cents to 75 cents. Then, by the next election, the word "change" is forgotten.

Poor is a psychological condition,
Uncle Screwtape

Knee Jerk Economics

Dear Natascha,

The week has passed by slowly, with all these stupid investment banks dragging themselves out of the subprime crisis. While sipping my favourite Earl Grey tea, I was amused to hear from your cousin Rupert who managed to do Osama, er, Obama in with the "bitter" remark. At the rate that this is going, we are going to score a winning victory against our Enemy. After all, the Republicans are better at invading other countries and raising hostilities with China.

I was talking to a senior demon in China, who was complaining about the liberal and degenerating western media for wrongly "reported" the events in Tibet. Our enemy made the smartest move by instigating those handsome Hollywood stars like Richard Gere to make noise. Speaking of which, I am happy about your performance in getting the Prime Minister to kowtow to the Chinese government. Actually, I don't need his bootlicking, because the West would dare to do nothing. After these stupid western multi-national companies spilled so much money on the 2008 Olympics, they would put pressure on their governments to shut up. Who cares about human rights when you have the money?

That comes to my next point. I am surprised that it took you that long to get the Indian Finance Minister to make the knee jerk response for raising the S$ against the US$. Our Enemy must be stupid to think that we have a long term vision in doing this. The reason is that we are afraid that the inflation rates will make the peasants feel angrier against your minions. If he does not make the knee jerk response, the people will suffer, and I just found out that the rice prices have gone up by 80% last Friday.

This is the time to ensure that our Enemy is poorer. With a stronger S$, your sovereign wealth fund GIC can make more donations to falling investment banks. You have to be more careful because our Enemy has started a propaganda war on your sovereign wealth fund. They have indicated the relationship between the former Goldman Sachs head and the current CIO of Temasek thru the double headed snake NY Times who seemed to heap praise or sarcasm on us in different times.

Continue the knee jerk economics, and you must start to control the rich poor divide in Singapore such that you can prevent the same stupid landslide that happened in Malaysia last month.

Politics serve Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Succession is all about grades

Dear Natascha,

I read your letter with full of glee and joy yesterday. You have reiterated that this whole fiasco from the newspaper on the leadership transition in Singapore is to change the subject in the country. After all, you have already utilized the old man to cover the Home Minister's ass for the moment. By turning the fault on the whole escape of the terrorist to the people, you have stopped the peasants in questioning why the members of parliament and top civil servants are drawing exorbitant salaries. Of course, do these dumb peasants know that only the most incompetent and talk only people can be in the high position jobs? Otherwise, why do people always say that the CEO is just a salesman, not a leader?

Yes, the real interesting issue is about the leadership succession. Your current chief executive, the prime minister, son of the Old Man, has once again come out to talk about what he wants in a leader for the next generation and the current brain drain situation. Of course, he must be crazy to divulge the real reasons on why there is so much political apathy in Singapore. First, his party has totally destroyed the credibility of crazy opposition leaders like JBJ and Chee and ostracized the moderate opposition party for holding a bicycle event. Second, his predecessor and a top civil servant by the name of Bhavani have thrown a heavy sledgehammer on Catherine Lim and Mr Brown. Third, their calibrated coercion approach have made smart people to give up on being part of politics. After all, with such good stability, I think that you should whisper to him that he and his party should continue to be complacent. If you keep spewing crap to the people by telling them "The PAP is the best political party to bring you jobs and stability", they would not need to worry that the recent Malaysian anomaly would affect them. In fact, coupled with those useless activists, he does not need to worry because they are still gutless to join politics, and if you want an example, check this one and that one out.

The last point is about why he should continue our doctrine of wanting people with good A level grades and not smart people to be in the next generation of Singapore leadership. First and foremost, we want to decide the fate of a Singaporean by their A levels, because they are at the age of being the most easily indoctrinated type. After all, once you feed them with a scholarship in a Ivy League university and a top notched civil service career, they would have no choice but to be our minions. After all, being a top student in A levels just tell us that these are students who have no chances of winning great accolades i.e. they lack innovation and smartness. If they are that smart, they would already be coming with fantastic political science theories that would rock Harvard or Yale or become fields medalists below 40. So, the only reason why we want high A level grade students are because they lack street smart and would become the type of people close to those dumb investment bankers who cook up a sham called the subprime mortgage crisis.

I am often afraid that our Enemy might engineer a few people with street smart and lower grades (with the tenacity and perseverance that will turn them to Steve Jobs or Ronald Reagan) to disrupt our system. The Old Man was once like these people on the other side, until his whole team was corrupted by us.

Ultimately, good grades in A levels just tell us that they are muggers and useless self-serving people who know nothing of the world. That's good enough for Singapore because the peasants are equally brainless with their 3rd world mentality of bad service and greed and first world infrastructure that serve the rich and famous.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions,
Uncle Screwtape

Cabinet Reshuffle and the GIC Debacle

Dear Natascha,

Looks like Murphy's law is inundating our minions lately. First, there was the over amount of taxation that led to public unhappiness over a large surplus. Second, you lost one of the most wanted terrorists in town and there is no public account on what happened (except with that wayang enquiry that was set up). Third, our trusted UBS have failed us with their US$19B write down.

I understand that you are going to rebut me that the UBS deal made by the sovereign wealth fund GIC was a good one. After all, the peasants have no lack of understanding on how we have complexified things on the derivatives. In fact, you will tell me about that US$990M coupons that can be exercised as convertibles within the next two years. Remember, it is within the next two years, and now the CEO of UBS is stepping down. It looks like GIC has screwed themselves, and my only solution to this mess, is to for GIC to make another round of cash injection and this time round, be smart, go and take a board seat so that they would not screw things around. Those idiotic investment bankers within our side have made blunders after blunders lately. So, I will leave you to clean up the mess once again.

Now that comes to my next point about the cabinet reshuffle that has happened recently. The first thing I was not happy with is that you did not demote the Home Minister. That guy seemed to have made so much mistakes recently that I don't even know where to start. The Mas Selamat incident was the tipping point. If that is not funny, how about putting an arrogant manpower minister to become education minister? Did I not tell you that we need to satisfy those well-educated feminists by promoting one of them to be a cabinet minister? Now, even your mouthpieces are whining about the lack of a female cabinet minister.

It has also dawned on me that you have decided who you would eventually want to be the next prime minister of Singapore. If I have guessed your intentions corrently, it's either the defence minister Teo, the new education minister Ng, or the financial minister Tharman. They seemed to be reasonable choices for the next PM. Well, I don't really care about who it would be as long as they served our interests like crushing the opposition and short-changing every Singaporean on dollars and cents from GST to CPF.

I look forward to hear good and not bad news from you.

The Lies are in You,
Uncle Screwtape

Giving Virtual Space in a Crowded Island

Dear Natascha,

I read with pleasure yesterday that one of your ministries started a new digital interactive media initiative called co-space where the Singapore government encourage schools, industries and government agencies to develop projects that would link up both the real and virtual worlds. My sense is that this is one of your many attempts to "enlarge" the space so that the Singaporeans don't feel ostracized by the rising costs of living and the threat of foreigners who we paid to replace the dying population. The idea is slightly better than the other agency under our minions called A-STAR on search engines.

Seriously, I don't see why you place so much emphasis in making your minions to continue this fruitless science and technology development to an island. After all, this Disney Land of yours with a death penalty is traditionally a trading port, founded by one of my minions, Sir Stamford Raffles. At that point of time, his job for East India Trading Company (a multi-national corporation of that time and one of our outfits in business, compare that to the Tata group today) was out to colonize countries for resources. Singapore is meant to be a traditional port, a place where we export and import goods and a financial hub for us to launder tonnes of money whether they are from the Middle East, Russia, India or China. It is impossible for a small island with so little critical mass to build a research centre.

But the virtual space idea has some credence, I might add. First of all, it is a method to give young and cynical individuals to rant somewhere where the rest of the world don't hear them. The earliest version of such people, we called them the bloggers. Maybe the next generation of ranters would be called avatars in the virtual space. Of course, just like the politicians, we also co-opt the best and hippest to serve in our mouthpieces' (SPH and MediaCorp) ranks. If you have not realized, Xiaxue was blogging for us sometime back in STOMP. Now we dumped her as well. Remember how we threw a heavy sledge hammer at Mr Brown.

Second, virtual worlds are just fads which we placed to move people to do something else, while forgetting what's happening in the real world. The poor Singaporeans are now waiting for April Fool's day to get their cash, how ironic.

Lastly, if you are a talent in this area, where would you be? You can learn to be like this Malaysian foreign talent, who exploited your system to get a better life in America and spent his time making cynical and critical remarks about Singapore and that egomanical monkey servant of yours named Philip Yeo.

In the end, when the casinos are finally up, this whole fad of an innovation and research hub of yours would end. Unless you are thinking of paying those useless old foggies scientists from the US (who also left our shores like Sir David Lane) with our casino money, then it would come back to my hypothesis that Singapore's role in the world is not an innovation hub, but a third world trading port and financial centre for southeast asia.

Thick Face & Black Heart,
Uncle Screwtape

New Strategies of Calibrated Coercion

Dear Natascha,

It looks like change is going on with the various political landscapes in Asia from Pakistan to Taiwan. I just heard from your Uncle Mo in Taiwan that they dumped the party of Chen Shui Bian and now elected a new guy (who's on our side) named Ma Ying-jeou into the Taiwan presidency. What I liked about him is that he is coaxing his own kind to join back the communist regime we installed in mainland China many years back. That will mean new capitalist expansion for us, for that dumb Chen kept touting the independence of Taiwan. That will provide new battleground for us to deal with our enemies in the United States.

Of course, I was annoyed by our Enemy's assistance to Barack Obama with his speech on race. I told Rupert to get our mouthpiece in US (Fox News and CNN) to start the smearing. I thought that Rupert's idea of calling Bill Richardson "Judas" was funny. It worries that this Obama fever is now hitting the guillible young Singaporeans in your territory. I told Rupert to spend more time to help Hillary Clinton to beat him and the only way is to use divisive tactics and inexperience to tear down this half black and half white man. After all, who needs change and better politics where the old school of divide and conquer matters?

That is why I wrote to you. Of course, I wonder which idiot from the Other Side has told Cherian George the central tenet of our strategy to hold power: calibrated coercion. With the Obama fever hitting Singapore, we need new ways and means to deal with these people. I believe that the way to do this is to have a new Chee Soon Juan among the ranks of the bloggers and we would use our old ways of defamation and character assassination to send this individual to hell.

What is the pragmatic implementation you might ask, my dear niece. First, as usual, start with the goodies again. First, you bribed the Singaporeans in April like what you did before in the last elections, while keeping your GST and tax hikes after the election. Of course, now with the impact of Natalie's incompetence with the Malaysians, you need to give goodies during non-election years. Second, start useless charity foundations like this one called NTUC foundation and create low cost mini-marts to sell poor quality groceries to look like that the ruling party cares about the poor. After all, isn't this really funny that we own the unions which are supposed to be independent? Third, prepare the next Obama to be destroyed. I have a few choices which you can start working on: Mr Brown, Mr Wang, Yawning Bread (given that he saw through our Internal Security Act tactic) and Aaron Ng (since he is a supporter of this so-called change politics). These people can urge big crowds, and so we start with illegal assembly and tonnes of military mobilization to jail those young idealistic idiots (likely we only get a handful and not 2,000 to 3,000 students in the Tiananmen massacre)

Use this strategy of calibrated coercion wisely and effectively, you must give some and take more. Why do I mean that? You can liberalize porn but then attack the liberals like Catherine Lim. You can jail our indoctrinated SDP members to induce fear to the populace. You can try to acquire Google or Yahoo! to get the search records and those pseudonym bloggers who have been thwarting our Internet efforts. Always have two classes of members of parliament: those like Lily Neo who would fight for the poor and those cabinet ministers who don't want to give public assistance to the poor and elderly. After all, why care where they are all white and not black? Worst case scenario, you can try to convert bloggers to join us, perhaps get Xiaxue to run for elections.

No matter how Singaporeans try, they would fail to change the politics of divisiveness to politics of hope. That's because we have locked them in a third class world with our calibrated coercion and bribes.

Hate is the answer to all problems,
Uncle Screwtape

On Double Dealing Government Linked Companies and Retired Civil Servant

Dear Natascha,

What a bad Friday this was. Once again, it was another year that our Enemy have managed to further their existence. I once recalled back long time, I took time to write a set of letters to a younger demon on how to corrupt a minion on the other side. However, we still have to work on such long days.

Recently, everyone has been hammering on the credibility of our mouthpieces, from Cherian George (that academic seem to have an understanding called calibrated coercion) to that retired hypocrite former civil servant named Ngiam Tong How. All these people can do would only be talk, talk and talk. I did made a point earlier about why Ngiam Tong How, a self-praised mandarin of the Civil Service can only talk but do nothing against the establishment. He is sounding like a broken record, trying to set things right after joining us for messing up the system from scholars to the bureaucracy of the Civil Service. With the high salaries we gave him, he had already become part of our machinery to continue the work of our Dark Lord.

If he is such an accomplished civil servant, he would have realized why we would never liberalize our mouthpieces. The answer is simple: Power. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It made me cringe with these hypocritical so-called civil society old folks started to rail against the government, but with an inherent desire that they wish to be armchair critics. If Ngiam that old barking dog is not with us, then he is against us. Going around and making useless speeches like these would not help. He must be given a rebuke. You need to start getting the Old Man out to teach him a lesson, or let Ngiam have a gaffe such that we can create tremendous press to discredit him.

Let me change the subject to businesses in your disney land with a death penalty. I heard that one of our telecommunications companies have secured the contract for the Champions League. I notice that the local agencies have started a campaign to teach ESPN, the foreign corporation which we seduced here with exemption of taxes. First, Starhub has double dealed against ESPN with the Premiere League and now Singtel with the Champions League. These companies are so silly. Looks like one of our minions Murdoch has gotten the right idea to take over media companies and control the cable television. I am amazed on how we set up trojan horses for these foreign companies which turned up here in Singapore. The only possibility of survival is to use Singapore as a HQ and put casinos to get these top executives in these foreign corporations to pay us indirect taxes.

I am not happy now with the news that the Soverign Wealth Funds of Singapore and UAE are now compromising with the government of US. It would make life difficult for our money operation in the future.

Bad Bad Friday,
Uncle Screwtape

Taking the heat off the Incompetent

Dear Natascha,

It's not a good week to write this letter, as we are close to the holiday of our Enemy. After all, they need to pass sermons and hymns to celebrate their success against our evil Lord. I always hope that there are no holidays so that we can drive people to overwork and hate their lives.

So, our converted people from the SDP have taken a confrontational front against our minions. The mad woman who we have slowly indoctrinated is now demanding that our barking dogs to produce evidence about her famous "bite". Of course, her poor chinese education did not tell her that if we want to add crimes on them, it's so easy. It's so simple to ensure that they would get more offenses. Proof? Where?

I see that you are trying to get the Home Minister on the good books with the people. But I do not understand why he is making useless speeches on asking policymakers to take risks and be willing to experiment. Did he not know that the Civil Service, one of our unholy trinity, pride on being anal-retentive, bureaucratic, boring and inflexible? They are trained since the beginning to take orders and to take cover so that they would do no maverick. All they are just shells, graduated with the finest degrees from the Ivy Leagues but end up as useless walking machines everyday doing boring work. Did you not see how we waste pretty faces with top degrees to bring foreign guests around in the Economic Development Board like some whores? Of course, how can we have an unfair inquiry on the escape of that terrorist?

Enough of our slaves. I have read with displeasure that the blogosphere is now spreading news about the old and poor people. Did I not tell you that you need to get all these useless old men and women to old folks home or some random hospices where they could not be seen? Now they are lurking all around for our Enemies to start featuring them on the blogs. Of course, with our need to boost our own finances, thanks to the subprime mess in Wall Street, we cannot increase the public assistance fund. Be sure to tell that minister of yours to stone wall on that. Use excuses like "We cannot give money because that would erode our work ethic" such that the other Singaporeans can do nothing but sympathize with these old folks. As long as the rest of the populace are willing to vote us in, we can have our minions paid high salaries and continue our fee and tax hikes whatever we damn hell please.

So, it's not a good Friday to come, and do continue to spin our lies and deceit, spread the word of our Evil Lord and weave more misery for the middle class with rising costs of living.

Ultimately, victory is ours if we savour it.

Hate is the best medicine,
Uncle Screwtape

Global Markets, Tibet and Opposition Down Our Throats

Dear Natascha,

I read your new email with guffaw. That's because our mouthpieces are continuing with the falsehoods which we want them to propagate on the opposition. It pleases me to see them screaming in pain and anger. Together with our own placements in cyberspace, for example, the grassroots pro-PAP member named Lucky Tan, SDP is associated with words like militant and trouble makers.

Don't these morons ever learn? There are two kinds of people who we corrupt. First, the ones who are in power and those who have resorted to extreme methods and justified their own crap with freedom and democracy. Now, they have lost some money again to us. Every $1000 bail they pay are feeding our dogs to bark louder at them. So much for those monkeys. Their existence is to help us to ensure that the other moderate party (belong to our Enemy) would be smeared together.

A lot of things have happened in the past 24 hours. Just when the investment banks affected by the subprime mortgage crisis (Merrill Lynch, Citigroup and UBS) were covered by your sovereign wealth funds (GIC and Temasek), now another mess started popping up. Now, Bear Stearns is now acquired at US$2 by another investment bank, JP Morgan. I told Rupert to continue the chaos and get the Federal Reserve to continue cutting interest rates. Of course, we have a sinister motive in mind. With the US$ reduced, we would induce livelihood problems for every one else who is on our Enemy's side. I expect you to activate our soverign wealth funds for new fresh investments.

I believe that you need to start looking around your own backyard. The housing market in Singapore is reaching a standstill. It would be important to remind the Minister for housing to start controlling prices, before the bubble of the housing boom begin to bust. That comes to something which comes to my attention. How did you let those people in Gillman Heights protest against the en-bloc? Looks like your en-bloc lies have finally caught up with you. Still, you have managed to convince those greedy Singaporeans to cash out with their houses and downgrad to poorer houses. Of course, do keep track of these losers who would start voting our minions to power again.

The other issue which I need to notify you is the Tibet issue. Those human rights idiots from our Enemy side are making noise again. I know why they are up to. Their reason is to stop the Chinese from making the Olympics happen. Do make sure that our Enemy don't get the United Nations involved. I believe your uncle in China would stone wall and continue with military crackdown with those protesters and if possible, gun them down.

Continue our work with flourishing evil,
Uncle Screwtape