The Uncle Scrouge Mentality

Dear Natascha,

It seems that things are calming down. The realm of politics and external forces often works hand in hand. While the turn of events for Obama in the US has made me cringed with evil cackle, I was equally annoyed by those silly idiots who are breaking up our Olympics party in China. I have told your Uncle Mo to start changing the financial projections for the merchandise we sold for this coming event. Revenues are dipping once again, but we would be sure to get it back through other ways and means.

While trawling through the Internet, I was reading your latest juxtaposition with great pleasure on how you got the Prime Minister of Singapore to talk about the lessons learnt from the Internet. In fact, what made the article brilliant, was not about how the Singapore government is planning to regulate it. In fact, your war room must be littered with people coming up with new policies for the Ministry of Information, Communication and the Arts (MICA) to ensure that the Internet has minimal, if not, negligible effect in the upcoming Singapore elections in 2011. The most impressive is the spin on making opposition politicians like Chiam See Tong (who is going to die without a successor after we destroyed his party with an insurgent idiot named Chee), Low Thia Kiang (complain and offer no solutions) and Sylvia Lim (with her reserved aka keep quiet attitude). The point is that these people offered no replies and are letting us steam roll them with our little chunks of propaganda.

While we keep the ball on making the opposition look bad as usual, the bloggers are starting a new war on the establishment. Some even claimed that we are like a iceberg, floating with a little portion but submerging with most of it below. Yet, no matter how these dumb bloggers whinge and whine, they would not understand the underlying currents of Singapore politics. In fact, I believe that you have done a great job in understanding Singaporeans. First, they loved money and second, they only want short term gains.

As long as we can erase their memory with the micro funding we offer them in the name of Progress Package, GST offset and Singapore shares, they would forget about all the injustice that we would have done to them. For example, I liked your application of the Uncle Scrouge mentality which is the miser attitude towards all financial transcations on the peasants. First, tell them that we are giving food vouchers and free meals to them. Second, when these poor folks come to our lions' den, we give them hell by saying that you are not members of NTUC and therefore, they are not eligible to pay. Finally, charge them a small fee for the vouchers. In the end, we only give away 50 cents, but made ourselves look good for champion the poor and helpless. We need to be like Scrouge because we need to keep our billion dollar town council funds and the multi-billion dollar for the acquisition of investment banks and corporations out there.

Continue our good work. In fact, the F1 race and Youth Olympics are coming. We would be making a killing and perhaps extend the giving away from 50 cents to 75 cents. Then, by the next election, the word "change" is forgotten.

Poor is a psychological condition,
Uncle Screwtape

Knee Jerk Economics

Dear Natascha,

The week has passed by slowly, with all these stupid investment banks dragging themselves out of the subprime crisis. While sipping my favourite Earl Grey tea, I was amused to hear from your cousin Rupert who managed to do Osama, er, Obama in with the "bitter" remark. At the rate that this is going, we are going to score a winning victory against our Enemy. After all, the Republicans are better at invading other countries and raising hostilities with China.

I was talking to a senior demon in China, who was complaining about the liberal and degenerating western media for wrongly "reported" the events in Tibet. Our enemy made the smartest move by instigating those handsome Hollywood stars like Richard Gere to make noise. Speaking of which, I am happy about your performance in getting the Prime Minister to kowtow to the Chinese government. Actually, I don't need his bootlicking, because the West would dare to do nothing. After these stupid western multi-national companies spilled so much money on the 2008 Olympics, they would put pressure on their governments to shut up. Who cares about human rights when you have the money?

That comes to my next point. I am surprised that it took you that long to get the Indian Finance Minister to make the knee jerk response for raising the S$ against the US$. Our Enemy must be stupid to think that we have a long term vision in doing this. The reason is that we are afraid that the inflation rates will make the peasants feel angrier against your minions. If he does not make the knee jerk response, the people will suffer, and I just found out that the rice prices have gone up by 80% last Friday.

This is the time to ensure that our Enemy is poorer. With a stronger S$, your sovereign wealth fund GIC can make more donations to falling investment banks. You have to be more careful because our Enemy has started a propaganda war on your sovereign wealth fund. They have indicated the relationship between the former Goldman Sachs head and the current CIO of Temasek thru the double headed snake NY Times who seemed to heap praise or sarcasm on us in different times.

Continue the knee jerk economics, and you must start to control the rich poor divide in Singapore such that you can prevent the same stupid landslide that happened in Malaysia last month.

Politics serve Evil,
Uncle Screwtape