"Moral" Authority

Dear Natascha,

Thank you for sending the news on the recent defammation case between our minions on both side. I appreciate that you are now taking steps to dump those SDP clowns, particularly, in getting those who worked for us to "fix" them.

Like all evil schemes, it comes in a few steps. The first is to get those judges, well, court technicians, we call them to give us the strength of the law. I was happy that Belinda has done a brilliant job in charging the Chees with the contempt of court. I also appreciate the excellent work done by our minions to charge that Singaporean-turned American who associated the judge with a poorly thought imagery of prostitution. I have told your Uncle Rupert to stop those US politicians to come and make noise about our unfair way of treating that seditious blogger. That sets up the first step in our retaliation against our Enemy. The second step is to use our traditional media to paint the Chees in being mentally deranged. Chua Lee Hoong has done a fantastic job in creating the illusion that Chee is suffering from a psychological disorder. How did you get Chua Lee Hoong to bother about protecting our minions by writing a very poison letter out in the public? I wonder whether you have been part of whispering words into Chee's ears in making him act out the disorder. The third is to disband the SDP, which I am sure that you will get it done within weeks and months. Once we charged them to their pants dropped, those dumb peasants will feel even more helpless and go back to their pathetic lives of consumerism and materialism. Should we call for an election once the SDP is delisted from the political parties of Singapore?

Still, some of our enemies have figured our approach. They realized that the SDP is deliberately making our minions look bad. For example, in my part of the world, the old man looked like an old gangster in the Godfather Movie. The problem is that if we continue to act in the way that we disobey the law, the people will not give us the "moral mandate" to govern the country. Of course, we are evil, why do we believe in looking good? It's like we see celebrities like Heath Ledger, they look good but they are all drug addicts. So, it's important for our trade to look good but be bad. We need to start to change our image to appear benevolent again. The way to do it is to start with "good" news to fool the peasants like good tourism and high GDP growth numbers. It is imperative that we need to get some "moral authority" to further our cause of capitalism and disaster. I will propose some strategies for you to pass onto our minions.

First, spread the bribery again. Reduce taxes on the road and the food. Get NTUC to give more vouchers. We need to stop the peasants to think about the Chees but more about their livelihoods. Second, prepare to call an election in the coming year where the economy hit the rock bottom. If experience has told us, we often win elections when the economy is faltering. The peasants only turn to the PAP and no one else. If we win the next one, you can give Old Man a slack and let him poke fun at Mahatir about why he made a bad mistake for not becoming a senior minister. Third, we need to start having our minions like the Chua sisters to start blogging. Otherwise, the new media elements might create more disturbance in our dark forces. The easiest way is to start cracking down or get the new media elements to register. Forget the "light touch" and apply the "heavy hand" to silence our critics, particularly, those ex-civil servants or CEOs who are opening their big mouths on our CPF and healthcare schemes.

Evil is the heart of all things,
Uncle Screwtape

It's time to dump our SDP minions

Dear Natascha,

I have been following the recent happenings in Singapore, thanks to the Reuters article your auntie Le Fey sent me. All and all, it started with the old man and the defammation suit on our other minions again. Seriously speaking, with the judiciary under our control, why do we need to even entertain our other minions, the brainless schizoprenic monkeys from the Singapore Democrat Party? Why don't you just whisper to Belinda, the judge to just tell Chee that he is committing a breach of offence to the court? It's time to do them in, given that you have turned Chee Soon Juan into a junkie activist. Even bloggers like the Singapore Patriot are shunning him and suggesting that he should start an activist group.

The point is that the Chee family has no more value to us. It's time to end the fiasco and use the law to wind up the SDP. Who are they trying to kid? The dumb Singaporeans who are busy being bribed by us once again? Don't they know that we have the power to control everything by the Lee family like the Italian mafia?

Importantly, it's time to focus on our enemy. In fact, our little Sith Lord named Ephraim Loy in the PAP has spoken of the danger of PAP being the opposition in the Internet. We have to be careful because your minions in the PAP might make these past silly mistakes. The point is that the tactics we chose to deal with our critics like Catherine Lim are getting stale, just as she is hurling all kinds of trash at us, with her serious disappointment about the Home Minister's incompetence on the Mas Selamat Scandal. Of course, before I forget, that stupid Yaw has spoken again.

I will say that we don't need Chee and his bunch of buffons anymore because they have established the impression to the foreign media that they are bunch of cranks and crackpots. The last thing they can do is to go berserk and run amok in town. What more can we do to crush these jokers? Even a cockroach can survive a nuclear bomb, but not them. In any case, we have better things to do like making sure that the inflation will make our peasants to work harder. In fact, not helping those peasants with subsidies will ensure that welfarism is non-existent in Asia, but exploitation does exist.

Speaking of which, you better tie up with Natalie to shut the mouth of that stupid Mahatir, who have recently quitted his own UMNO party. Seriously, you should just tell the Old Man to give him a phone call and say, "You know what, Mahatir, you should have asked Badawi to make you a senior minister, and then a minister mentor like me."

In any case, I will be watching with great glee. Tell the judge to do the right thing.

Do Great Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Victors as King and Losers as Slaves

Dear Natascha,

I have just read your email this morning after you notified about the "protest" happened outside the parliament house. As you understand that it is still morning to have a cup of English Breakfast over here in London, I decided to defer my letter to you later. The Internet is a beautiful piece of technology that has enhanced the frontline between our Enemy and us. Speed, as my Chinese counterpart lingering in China told me, is the key to our victory.

Seriously, I laughed out loud at the protest happened in the Parliament House. It's just 20 people. This is nothing compared to how our enemy has mobilized half a million protestors when we managed to seduce George and Tony both to launch the war in Iraq. How can 20 people made such a difference? In fact, our mouthpieces (Straits Times and Channel News Asia) are so disgraceful in putting up so little pictures for these clowns, with their typical brand of smearing, consider our enemy (The Online Citizen) have done a better job in making them look like idiots with videos.

What really made me laugh all the time, is that these idiots from the Singapore Democratic Party could actually bite the hand that helps them (TOC) by sending internet assassins to smear them by association with our minions. That baffles me sometimes about human nature, although we firmly believe that human nature is evil, from the day, our Enemy threw Adam and Eve down to Earth. Actually, you should start whisper to our mouthpiece to be as bold as these SDP sympathisers so that the Singaporeans can start feeling more helpless about their situation and more hopeless that they would always be colonized by the ruling oligarchy called PAP. In fact, to stop the minions of our Enemy like Cherian George to criticise our mouthpiece for lack of credibility, they should post more youtube videos and flickr photos to boost their nothing left reputation for being a yes-man.

I mused to myself when I heard this blogger made this remark which smacks of cowardice and that's the reason why these opposition would fail. Even their sympathisers are making a quick run when our barking dogs (the police) have taken control of the situation:

"Then one by one, the police arrested each member of the group that locked arms. There were around 15 arrests in total. I did not photograph the arrests itself as I was myself decked in red and did not wish to approach closer. Pseudonymity the blogger did a superb job of that.

I sat down, stunned and shocked at the sheer high-handedness of the police. Someone came up to me and said LaMei and I should change out of our red T-shirts, lest we get arrested as well.

Later on, when the police dispersed, we changed back to normal attire, and wanted to head to Cantonment with some friends who were next of kind of the protesters to find out more.

Just then, a Straits Times reporter came up to me and abruptly asked me, why have I changed back to normal attire?"

You see, this is the reason why the cabinet ministers who served us are always winning the number of seats in the parliament. Even if those dumb peasants out there can cough out 50% of the vote, they cannot take out the GRC poison well we made for them. In fact, someone (must be an operative under our Enemy) has demonstrated the statistical reasoning behind our secret for success. In fact, the real reason of our success is to have "competent" ministers to anchor on each and everyone of these GRC, and that would ensure that the peasants would have no choice but to vote for our cause.

My Chinese counterpart once told me of this saying, “胜者为王 败者为寇” and no matter what these miniscule opposition tried to do on World Consumer Rights Day event, they would bound to fail. In fact, you can always rub salt on their wounds by conning a few of those European expatriates to do the same thing and have no interference from the police. That would continue to tell these monkeys that we have a double standards treatment, but telling them straight on the face, "So what, we are the government, and we can do whatever we please even if we can let these ang-mohs protest and you can."

While all these little fiascos are happening, I am happy to hear from you that you have gotten your useless Home Minister to stone wall on the inquiry.

Evil laughter all over,
Uncle Screwtape