Sympathizers and Elites

Dear Natascha,

The time in hell is always one of eternity. I have read your letters with glee lately, as the anger of the citizens your minions are controlling are starting to tone down. Looks like your strategy of calibrating the opposition so that a freak election won't happen is starting to work. Those citizens will have no time to think about how we impose control and create a false sense of security for them. The reason is simple, with our Evil Lord's new release of H1N1 virus and global financial crisis version 10, the whole world seemed to be caught in a constant fear and anxiety. If you are smart, you should be steering your effort to complete the finishing touches before the dawn of the next Singapore general election.

You should take a leaf from your cousin Rupert, who have recently made a scapegoat out of the Ponzi scheme maker, Madoff who cheated the whole world of US$50B. Not to mention those investment wankers we have seeded in Wall Street who are still enjoying high compensations with the same old broken record statement "we need to retain the best talent in Wall Street". In fact, nowadays cheap is a dirty word. Look at what happened to the British members of Parliament, a little mischief from my part has created havoc for them, where a daily London newspaper has exposed the misdeeds of these politicians in over claiming expenses. The British still think that politicians are working for their welfare. They should take a leaf from your minions to set the high pay from the start and use the convenient stonewalling strategy that we need to attract the best and brightest with high pay. In fact, politics need a 2.0 like how those clowns from the Internet that are constantly reporting the wrong news like Jeff Goldblum & Natalie Portman just "died".

Speaking of which, I read with distaste lately from one of your minions who was a supporter of our minions. I can't believe that our sub-minions have started to criticise our minions about sustainable development. Obviously, it is stupidity and written all over this clown that he's an ex-civil servant. How did he not know of your minions' strategy to control the citizens of the country by the pork barrel politics of upgrading and selling flats as assets? Perhaps, his brain is so fried that he did not understand the meaning of politics with a capital P. The other sub-minion has been trawling on the wrong side with discussions of elitism. You also need to start talking to your future spawns and ask them to tone down their elitist talk. Yes, we all know that those scholars your minions sent out are the best and the brightest from a selected subset of people who know how to pass exams, but they need to remember that what happened to the best and brightest during the French Revolution. The royals all ended up in the guillotine. Otherwise, you will get our enemies to provide an opening that will give the citizens power again. I also have to remind you to start preventing knowledge of those failed and weak elites (who killed themselves) your minions have selected from our "meritocratic system". The way to narrow the gap is to have our minions, the politicians to pretend that they care for the people and throw the civil servants (who spend 45K to learn to be chefs) under the bus.

My only advice for you to "fix" the ex-sympathizers of our minions is to continue and screw their brain with how the elites are failing them. As for our kid elites, be prepared to send them to correction camps like the Chinese did to their scholars during the Chinese Revolution.

Always Be Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Good and Bad PR

Dear Natascha,

I have read your past few emails with interest. Ever since the bombshell of giving opposition more voice dropped into the blogosphere, you have effectively divided the opposition parties once again. Even if you have not given them that 20% parliament seats for more "voice" (or more loud hailers of course), they would still be in disarray. Don't these morons ever learn that the only day where they can wrestle control from our minions is the day when they can consistently speak in one proper voice and not sending mixed messages to the electorate?

You may think that this letter was sent to commend on your recent performances, particularly, those PR stunts you have been pulling off with the Old Man heading to Malaysia and visit friends (with all those hidden agendas to promote our Evil Lord's work) and the "holy" Goh visiting Myanmar to fake how concerned ASEAN are on their case to prosecute that politician (who they held hostage for the longest time). Event PM Lee's hypocritical statements of humility have made me laughed. It does not help when I see those who are attacking our minions bridging Animal Farm to be relevant to Singapore's current situation.

Instead, I am writing this letter to admonish you for the bad PR work you have been doing with Temasek. After all, Temasek is one of our Lord's money making machines. Your poor attempts to mask losses (given our Enemy controlled the liberal western media) have illustrated how incompetent our minions are in managing shit loads of money. You need to step up efforts not to let the peasants in Singapore to get hold of international news. Every time when the Financial Times and BBC throw up some articles about us losing money, your minions did not come up with good answers. Instead they made silly mistakes and it's making us a laughing stock to our Enemy who did not need a lot of effort to show the people that we are losing money. I will suggest that you take serious steps to push our minions to pay more and get good PR.

One last thing before I dropped my pen, you should probably think of way to move Lee Bee Wah out of the STTA job. She has been an eyesore and she seemed to have incur some wrath from the populace. It will be good to make sure that we have no stones unturned by the next election.

Your hate is my love,
Uncle Screwtape

The 80-20 Percent Rule

Dear Natascha,

It has been a while since we have corresponded with each other. Our evil Lord has been working on several new initiatives to torment our enemy. We started with the subprime mortgage crisis, followed by the Lehmann meltdown and now the swine flu (H1N1 virus). Of course, engineering crises are a forte in my department. It helps to steer our minions in good light.

Your crisis management of the AWARE saga have been well taken by our Lord. Both the corrupted Christian Right and the secular militants (led by the gays and lesbians) have now engaged in a clear war with events like Pink Dot, the smearing of Siew Kum Hong NMP and the many back and forth between the supporters of the Feminist Mentor including Thio Li Ann. Our gains are from their constant war. As long as you are constantly fanning fires between the homosexuals and the Christian Right on both fronts, these activists from both sides of the House will fall in our hands at some point without them realizing it. Don't you think that it's so ironic? By committing the dishonourable deeds of poison pen and manufacturing smears on Siew Kum Hong, those Christians (who are now servants of our Dark Lord) are deviating away from our Enemy's teachings of being compassionate and humane. They did not realize that we have infused into them the corrupted way to re-interpret that stupid book provided by our Enemy. Similarly, the gays and lesbians will be drawn to our evil world with the constant attack of being discriminated. It's a war that never ends.

It looks like that the recent freak results in the Malaysian and US elections have alerted you to do some work on your minions front. The new announcements from the Prime Minister of Singapore on tweaking the political system have been wonderful, if not strategic. Yet, I believed that you have stolen from my playbook - the strategy of containment by providing a space for manufactured dissent. If the numbers are always 99% PAP and 1% opposition, the voters will constantly be locked to take extreme actions such that they might provide a freak result and vote our minions out.

By using this new idea of (1) increasing 9 to 12 single constituencies, (2) lowering the number of 6 member GRCs and (3) increasing the number of NCMPs to 20, your minions have effectively contained the victory for the next election. Honestly, it took you take long to convince that old man that it is better to treat the symptoms for a lacklustre and toothless opposition. After what's the difference between 82-2 and 64-20 in the layout of PAP and opposition members? In any argument, our minions will still win. That's the key - winning. We want to win the vote to allow our minions to run the Government linked Corporations and the sovereign wealth funds such as GIC and Temasek without any interference. The absolute numbers of increasing opposition does not matter anymore. A nice cosmetic change to bring the number to 20% of the parliament just give the Opposition to make more stupid mistakes. In fact, the stupid voters will now see our minions in positive light and continuing doing what they do best - sitting on the fence. I will suggest that you get more lawyers on your side for defamation suits, justify the Public Order Act and Political Films Act and make sure that power corrupts the opposition in Parliament. It's a beautiful trap that I am already smiling for our future.

You will update me more on your progress with our minions. I look forward to good news ahead.

In eternal Evil,
Uncle Screwtape

Our Evil Gains from the AWARE Fiasco

Dear Natascha,

Thank you for your sketchy memo about the situation in AWARE EGM two days back. Our enemies have indeed ushered their comrades to deal with the Christian fundamentalists (particularly, the feminist mentor whom we have corrupted her with myopic and contra-Christian values that have now surfaced to the public) which we have corrupted years back. Honestly, I have laughed out loud when I saw the feminist mentor being ridiculed and shouted down by the liberals (who are the children of our Lord's immortal enemy). If our liberal friends think that they have won, they are absolutely wrong. The way that the liberals shouted down the feminist mentor had made them no different from hooligans that do not gave others with different views a place or freedom to speak their mind. The evils of democracy, of course!

Now it is time for you to concentrate our corruption of the feminist mentor and the hooligan liberals. For the feminist mentor (whom some coined the Thio-liban), it is time for her to moan for her defeat and the lack of respect shown to her by the young punks. She would realize that our Enemy had not come to help her in the darkest hour. Like how the brightest angel fell to the darkness of hell, it is time for you to whisper words of revenge, anger and blood. Tell her to continue her crusade and misguide her to think that she was doing our Enemy's work. Then use her status to influence over those weaklings with status around her so that they can further spread our virulent and discriminatory agenda on gays and lesbians. After all, that's how Rupert, your cousin has done to the Christian Right in the US. If necessary, persuade her daughter to stay the course and stay nominated as an NMP to further the discriminatory evil agenda that we laid out for them.

For the liberals, life is simpler. They have won, and they would claim that they can now change the society. Continue to pass sublimal messages to those liberals who boo-ed the feminist mentor. Continue to let their sense of justice to be turned into anger and hooliganism so that they will tolerate no voice but their own. Then our minions, aka the politicians can come and rein them in with vicious methods of regulation and charges of defamation as time goes on.

After all, our feminist mentor and her minions did not realize that you have secretly double crossed her. Your deliberate ploy using backdoor pressure from the politicians to goad Pastor Derek Hong into apologising for the misusing pulpit has been brilliant. Only the dumb and the moronic will be tricked into thinking that the establishment (which we controlled) do not want to get involved in this so-called civil society fiasco. Of course, they don't realize that we are the ones who are pulling the strings and manipulating our muppets to action.

If there is something to be gained by our Enemy, it is the sense of self-righteousness that leaves much disdain from us. Yet, letting them to win this battle is a strategy for us to last out and win the war.

So, my dearest niece, continue to make your Singaporean civil society to be intolerant, suspicious of each other's agendas and getting precedents so that your minions can use them to further your cause.

Lots of Hate,
Uncle Screwtape

Bra Wars

Dear Natascha, my lovely niece

It has been a long time since I have written to you. While I am busy helping your cousins Rupert and Rufus to deal with the mess created by those investment bankers in Wall Street, I found no pleasure to hear that you are also having a hard time to help the PAP to stay in power under such exceptional difficult financial climate. Of course, the euphemisms that we adapt on the dark side are "challenging" and "fundamentals of the economy are strong".

Of course, I heard that your plans to instigate your minions and call for a general election are derailed with the Merlion getting struck by lightning. With that small geomancy disaster, you told me that the most powerful man in the little red dot was worried that the end of his party's dominance is near. Then it offset your beautiful idea that it is the 50th anniversary for the PAP since they came to power by eliminating another group of men we corrupted, namely, the communists.

In fact, Rufus has just sent me this silly internet link from your number 1 & 2 enemies about a conference held by a woman group called AWARE. It seemed that fundamentalist Christian Right we have converted using subliminal discrimination tactics, has finally engineered a coup d’etat on the liberals and centrists. Being alerted to the news, I quickly did a google search and was perplexed why you have not informed me of such interesting cat fights going on in Singapore. While the Christian Right led by Dr Thio Su Mien and Josie Lau are now fighting the centrist AWARE ex-co coupled with their coalition of the willing: liberal social media, lesbians and gays, we have seen the rule of law falling apart using a microscope on a small feminist organization. It often amused me why those centrist AWARE founders have created a society with weak constitution and election laws that could be hijacked by fundamentalists. In fact, they should be scolding themselves why they did not see some devious pattern at work by our minions (the Christian Right) to engineer a hostile takeover. Of course, I liked the new AWARE exco for masking their intentions to attack the gay and lesbian agenda by telling them that they want to restore AWARE's original purpose which they defined as helping women who are not lesbians with social causes.

So, here's a formula, my niece on how you can milk the AWARE incident to your advantage. First corrupt those women in the liberal wing and let them understand that no matter how democratic the system is at work, it will be hijacked by people from the opposite ideology. All this battle between the Christian Right and the Liberal Lesbians are a reflection of how immature the society are. Let them take arms and you can start justify draconian laws like the Public Order act that is brought up recently by the Law Minister. Of course, not to mention your funny trick of putting a general to run the Ministry of Information, Communication and the Arts. Only by showing how democracy failed with petty tactics from these feminists, you can start justifying why a "good" and "clean" or this poor English phrase "whiter than white" government is required for Singapore. Of course, one more thing, you should always do is to get those mainstream journalists, "That's why we cannot have protests and disagreements because it will lead our country to instability."

I often wondered why the enemies to our Dark Lord never realized that their followers are just a bunch of sheep and hypocritical as much as we are. As least we are shameless to say that we discriminate and do evil to the world, but it never fail to amaze me that the Christian Right in Singapore are showing their dominance and leading their charge to discriminate the gays and lesbians. Let us continue to let the mainstream media to cover the bra wars while you can tell your minions to push policies to "fix" the opposition in the background.

Fixing the Opposition "Consistently"

Dear Natascha,

I read your emails on my blackberry with displeasure. It seems that your cronies are still making silly mistakes now and then. I was surprised that they are learning the flip-flopping nature of John Kerry, particularly on charging that blogger by the name of Gopalan Nair. The worst is that you are not banning blogger while letting him rant like a mad dog. Once again, you need to unleash our allies like Lucky Tan to deliver us from good.

For a start, you need to teach your cronies how to fix their enemies consistently so that the common people are afraid. Let's do some market research as a start. We can do an assessment of the four opposition leaders with what this blogger has written. Another blogger also told us how he feels about the four opposition leaders. Actually, to us, it's good that these four holds a seperate domain because it is easy to tear them apart when they are seperate. First of all, let's look at CST, he's getting old and thanks to our mole and his protege CSJ, he has given up but holding to a small turf. He has no more will and soon Potong Pasir will turn to us again. Second, JBJ is also old, and both CST and him are still fighting with old man over who's right or wrong. Their only reason for losing in the longer run is because unlike the old man, they have no successors or any young people who want to join their cause. That's why you have done the smartest thing by sending our top cronies to Harvard Business School so that they understand what institutional memory and leadership succession mean. So far, our Enemy has picked this group to be our adversary. Still they got loose cannons or should I called them politically inept morons like Goh Meng Seng and Chia Ti Lik who would make the opposition plight worse by being impatient.

My advice is to be consistent in the way you fix the opposition. Of course, with the powerful legislative apparatus you provided the old man and his motley crew, you can ensure these opposition leaders with lawsuits that would drive the young people away. After young Singaporeans are not like the young Americans, they would not dare to go out and vote a Obama. The young Singaporeans would hide or have no backbone to reject the poison pills (or scholarships) we prepare for them. The threat is disabled easily for these young people. As long as those talented Singaporeans are in our radar as civil servants, we don't need to worry anymore because we controlled their livelihood.

That comes to my final point. Even if we ever manage to send the Chee siblings to the asylum, we still have monkeys decrying on our enemies with the label of "approved opposition". Those monkeys don't realize that the key to beat us is to have these moderates who can take over when our cronies lose power. So, we are forever unbeatable because the opposition behave like those silly liberal democrats who got themselves screwed with party unity hitting into the dustbin.

So, we should rejoice in the word of our Evil Lord,
Uncle Screwtape

"Moral" Authority

Dear Natascha,

Thank you for sending the news on the recent defammation case between our minions on both side. I appreciate that you are now taking steps to dump those SDP clowns, particularly, in getting those who worked for us to "fix" them.

Like all evil schemes, it comes in a few steps. The first is to get those judges, well, court technicians, we call them to give us the strength of the law. I was happy that Belinda has done a brilliant job in charging the Chees with the contempt of court. I also appreciate the excellent work done by our minions to charge that Singaporean-turned American who associated the judge with a poorly thought imagery of prostitution. I have told your Uncle Rupert to stop those US politicians to come and make noise about our unfair way of treating that seditious blogger. That sets up the first step in our retaliation against our Enemy. The second step is to use our traditional media to paint the Chees in being mentally deranged. Chua Lee Hoong has done a fantastic job in creating the illusion that Chee is suffering from a psychological disorder. How did you get Chua Lee Hoong to bother about protecting our minions by writing a very poison letter out in the public? I wonder whether you have been part of whispering words into Chee's ears in making him act out the disorder. The third is to disband the SDP, which I am sure that you will get it done within weeks and months. Once we charged them to their pants dropped, those dumb peasants will feel even more helpless and go back to their pathetic lives of consumerism and materialism. Should we call for an election once the SDP is delisted from the political parties of Singapore?

Still, some of our enemies have figured our approach. They realized that the SDP is deliberately making our minions look bad. For example, in my part of the world, the old man looked like an old gangster in the Godfather Movie. The problem is that if we continue to act in the way that we disobey the law, the people will not give us the "moral mandate" to govern the country. Of course, we are evil, why do we believe in looking good? It's like we see celebrities like Heath Ledger, they look good but they are all drug addicts. So, it's important for our trade to look good but be bad. We need to start to change our image to appear benevolent again. The way to do it is to start with "good" news to fool the peasants like good tourism and high GDP growth numbers. It is imperative that we need to get some "moral authority" to further our cause of capitalism and disaster. I will propose some strategies for you to pass onto our minions.

First, spread the bribery again. Reduce taxes on the road and the food. Get NTUC to give more vouchers. We need to stop the peasants to think about the Chees but more about their livelihoods. Second, prepare to call an election in the coming year where the economy hit the rock bottom. If experience has told us, we often win elections when the economy is faltering. The peasants only turn to the PAP and no one else. If we win the next one, you can give Old Man a slack and let him poke fun at Mahatir about why he made a bad mistake for not becoming a senior minister. Third, we need to start having our minions like the Chua sisters to start blogging. Otherwise, the new media elements might create more disturbance in our dark forces. The easiest way is to start cracking down or get the new media elements to register. Forget the "light touch" and apply the "heavy hand" to silence our critics, particularly, those ex-civil servants or CEOs who are opening their big mouths on our CPF and healthcare schemes.

Evil is the heart of all things,
Uncle Screwtape