Dear Natascha,
Today, I received an email from your cousin in Malaysia, telling me that you are unable to help her because of the recent Budget debate in Singapore. She was telling me how the cabinet (that you have whispering to) has now managed to turn a S$0.7B deficit to S$6.45B surplus. That's fantastic work. Now we have managed to do something that none of your fellow demons manage to do with their governments: tax more and underpay. That's number one in creating a world class government in misery.
I decided to go to our mouthpiece, the Straits Times to see what is going on. I was shocked for what I saw. I thought that you told me that you have it covered. By passing it to the Indian guy, he won't be so stupid to tell the whole world that we have a S$6.45B surplus. Now our Enemy together with some of those shadow boxing PAP MPs (that are under your command) start waging a campaign to ask for the reduction of GST from 7 to 5%. It must be the stupid civil servant from Ministry of Finance who made this error. I recalled that when you sent me the projections, if we raised it by 1%, we might just get about a bit of surplus or possibly just break even. On the other hand, if it's raised 2%, you will just make a bit of surplus. Now, the surplus is overwhelming. I understand the need to be conservative, but how can the civil servant who made that calculation forget to take into account the inflated property market which we have taught our investment bankers from Goldman Sachs to Merrill Lynch to sabotage?
Of course, we liked money. Having more is better than less. Can you please start telling those bunch of PAP MPs to stop shadowboxing before the people turn on us and join our enemy? You should have told that Indian to do more creative accounting. Don't these guys know how to fudge numbers or move the money to some secret accounts in our sovereign wealth funds, for example Goverment Investment Corporation of Singapore, Temasek or our other secret account?
Now with so much surplus, which investment bank are you planning to buy? JP Morgan, Soc Gen, Credit Suisse, or HSBC? Yes, I will call your cousin in the US to allow the bribe to get through so that your sovereign wealth fund would be cleared to buy anything in the land of the rich, oops sorry, land of the free.
Please send me the telegraphic transfer of half the surplus to our bank in Cayman Islands. I would like to spend some for our evil Lord.
In Evil Note of Lust,
Uncle Screwtape
